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Uncategorized Tuesday, July 24th 2012 at 10:39 am

Batman Got His Ass Kicked, And It Was Fantastic: 21 Thoughts On The Dark Knight Rises

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Christopher Nolan’s epic Batman trilogy is officially in the books. All in all, it took us nine years, $585 million in total budget, and hundreds of thousands of man-hours to get here. Which, naturally, means it’s time to make judgmental, pithy comments about it. Oh, The Internet.

Here’s what I thought in the hours following my viewing of The Dark Knight Rises:

1. If we’re grading this on a scale of regular movies, The Dark Knight Rises is terrific.

2. If we’re grading it on a scale of Christopher Nolan Batman movies, it’s still pretty good.

3. Final Nolan-Directed Batman Movie Power Rankings: 1) The Dark Knight, 2) The Dark Knight Rises, 3) Batman Begins. Heading into this movie, could you have seen this shaking out any other way?

4. Where is the Batman music? You know. That DUH. DUH. DUH. DUH DUH. I only counted one sequence that included it, which is, like, eight less sequences than we needed it to be in. I got such an adrenaline kick in the one scene they used it in — seriously, I started grinning like an idiot and bopping my head, which resulted in me being told immediately by my girl to stop, because it was embarrassing or whatever – that I was legitimately confused when I didn’t hear it again. I want to make my girl question why she’s out in public with me more often than once a movie, Hans Zimmer.

5. Tom Hardy did the best job he possibly could. He’s a great actor. And he did a good job here — the best job possible, in fact. But there’s only so many times a dude in a mask can make crazy eyes to convey emotion. (His slow, “I’m going to rip out your trachea as soon as I make my way over to you” strut was great, though.)

6. Which brings me to problem #2: That mask. Bane’s mask was a problem, but not necessarily in the way that you think. Nolan went back and re-mixed the audio to make Bane’s muffled voice more comprehensible, but, for whatever reason, there’s a disconnect between some of Bane’s hand gestures and what’s coming out of his mouth. It might be nitpicky on my part, but it’s something I noticed: Bane would say something, and the associated body movement would come a beat later. (Sidenote: for a perfectionist like Christopher Nolan, wasn’t this a weird problem to have? NEVER WOULD’VE HAPPENED TO JOEL SCHUMACHER.)

7. BUT. Let’s appreciate what Christopher Nolan did here for a second. Can you imagine what would’ve happened had this movie sucked? Like, really sucked? It would’ve been even worse than the fallout from those last two Matrix movies, and a huge black mark on an otherwise stellar career. You don’t live that kind of failure down, and the pressure he was under to create a blockbuster movie that was emotionally gripping and made you think was enormous.

8. Anne Hathaway is a great Catwoman. Hathaway’s transitions between her helpless girly-girl act and her Catwoman ass-kicking was fantastic.

9. But she was given some very bad one-liners. Yes, I am talking specifically about the scene where she effortlessly takes down a group of armed thugs, then says to the last, speechless thug standing, “Cat got your tongue?” Seriously, “Cat got your tongue” almost ruined Anne Hathaway beating the crap out of a roomful of bad guys, which is something that’s very hard to ruin.

10. The best thing about this movie is that it harps on the best thing about Batman: He’s human. Nowhere is this more evident than when he gets savagely beaten by a faster, stronger Bane.

11. Seriously, Batman gets his ass kicked in this movie. The scene of an unconscious Batman getting hit so hard in the face by Bane that his mask is dented into his face is jarring and amazing.

12. Still, wish they went a little harder in conveying Bane’s physicality with other characters. Remember the Joker? He stabbed a dude in the ear! WITH A PENCIL. We were forced to believe that Bane was terrifying from the jump, and I didn’t think the character did enough on screen to earn that rep, besides the scene where he beats up Batman.

13. We needed more body shots from Bane. Like, physical punches to the body. When he unloads on Batman towards the end, and they sped it up juuuust enough to convey what an absolute monster he was? We needed more of that.

14. Besides getting repeatedly beaten up, the other great Batman Vulnerability Moment: That “NOOOO!” towards the end, when he thinks all of Gotham is about to get blown up. Made me cringe, but in a good way.

15. There is a very big moment, involving an iconic and specific event between Bane and Batman from the comics, that they should’ve been more grisly with. You know what I’m talking about.

16. Still: When a broken Bruce Wayne learns to walk again, and then starts doing pushups? Yep. MIGHT’VE GOTTEN A BONER.

17. Why you trying to make me cry so much, Alfred? It got a little misty in that movie theater multiple times, and it was all Michael Caine’s fault.

18. Seriously, that scene with them in the stairwell is terrific. So much bro love.

19. The storytelling is actually tighter and more coherent than in TDK. Weirdly, this made TDK a more re-watchable movie, since you needed to see it a few times to pick up on everything.

20. This was Christian Bale’s best performance in a Batman movie. He wasn’t the most important character in the last movie. In this one, he was.

21. It’s all downhill from here, but you can do much worse than handing the keys to the kid from 3rd Rock from the Sun.

Dan Fogarty is the editor-in-chief of our sister (brother?) site, SportsGrid.

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  • Anonymous

    “but you can do much worse than handing the keys to the kid from 3rd Rock from the Sun.”

    He’s becoming a very good actor on his own. Dunno if it’s fair to just call him this. I enjoyed everything he has been in so far but that timecop movie he will be in looks like crap.

  • Dr Coene

    Wow, where to begin.

    First of all, Joseph Gordon-Levitt is an absolutely stellar actor, and is by far the best thing about this film next to Gary Oldman and Michael Kane (Kane having some problems toward the end, though). Levitt as Nightwing = unparallelled perfection.

    Second of all, the film was awful. Entertaining, but awful. The plot was utterly mangled by inept writing and buckshot with holes. For instance, nuclear scientist walking up to a fusion reactor, cut away, cut back “Tada! It’s now a nuclear bomb!”

    Another for instance, Batman has two minutes to get rid of an atomic bomb, and everyone in his general area, knowing he has two minutes to get rid of an atomic bomb, repeatedly stops him to give him kisses and talk about old times.

    Another for instance, Commissioner Gordon orders EVERY SINGLE COP in Gotham into a hole in the ground? Are you serious? And after four months they walk out clean shaven and perfectly dressed? And without firearms, for some reason?

    Another for instance, Bruce Wayne escapes his monk-ish prison hole in the Middle East, and Nolan doesn’t bother to explain how, without any funding, he manages to travel all the way to the other side of the world? Nothing? Just “Tada!” That’s it?

    The film just falls victim to so many lazy writing problems. Long expository villainous monologues that there is no reason for them to recite. Characters and situations seem to have little purpose beyond the writer’s vague impulses.

    Forgive me, but Nolan is gimmicky, mediocre and overrated. Always has been.

  • angry reader

    Really geekosystem maybe start ur title with spoiler alert or something, cuz I havent seen the movie like many of the ppl reading this and i believe 4 days after movie was released that spoiler warning wld be appreciated, even the title is a spoiler, thanks

  • http://twitter.com/healthtrekker healthtrekker

     Agreed on #12 & #13. I think the establishment of new characters’ foundation needs abit more cementing, incl. Bane.
    I felt the Editing could have been a little bit snappier. Maybe I just have more ADHD than Nolan’s team. 

    - I’ve always felt Team Nolan abit short on Editing and Atmospherics; 
    They could have at least had lunch 1-2x with The Matrix Guys, like Zach Staenberg, etc.

    Also good on #15. I’ve suffered mildly similar things, and it DID need that Atmospheric to shoot the shock through the audience of how serious the impact is. I still don’t think I’m 100% 1.5 years later.

    #6 is Nitpicky, but I missed some of his words, too. Silverlining? -JUST GO SEE AGAIN TO MAKE SURE!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • http://twitter.com/KennyZ3D Kenny Zaborny

    Of all three superhero movies this summer the Batman film is the weakest.  It was an ok movie and it could have been much worse. Hathaway did a great job as Catwoman and I’d love to see her in a spinoff. Levitt did an excellent job in his role. He was easily my favorite character, I could see him in a spinoff as well.

    This is what I hated the most. The Batman I know wouldn’t have left it to the police for eight years.  So you kill his parents and he becomes a Dark Knight but you kill his wannabe girlfriend and he becomes a hermit?  Seriously?  That made me hate the Rachel Dawes character even more than I already did. Basically this movie proves that the Joker won. Joker broke the Batman. 

    There were times when I couldn’t understand a word that Bane said and it always happened to be at some pivotal plot point. “I Bane will mumblerumblemumblebumble and the word will tremble!” With what? Confusion? 

  • http://www.facebook.com/thatninjaslicy Matt Bowie

    all michael caine’s fault. all of it. every last iota of salty sadness that passed my ocular look-with devices, i blame it on Alfred.

  • http://www.facebook.com/mark.e.sutter Mark Sutter

    Actually, based on the last shot before fading to black, I think he becomes Batman.

  • OurDeadSelves

    Uh, Joker

  • OurDeadSelves

    My bad. Joker didn’t stab a dude in the ear, he dropped dude’s face on it. A little nitpicky, sure, but do some research por favor.

  • Marsta58

    I found the bad guys motivations pretty perplexing.  They have access to all the riches in the city but decide to remain there and die.  And why do they want to destroy the city in the first place?   Because their daddy was absent/cruel??

  • Matthew Sharrer

    The recollection of the scene for point 9 is a little bit off.  You may need to go back and watch the movie again.

  • Dash191

    I love this blog. Seriously. I agree with many of the points you’ve made but I feel like you are forgetting to mention some key points that nearly ruin the film.

    The actions of characters and the reasons for them has to make sense. If it doesn’t, then audience loose the connection to the story. After Bane destsroys Batman in a fight, it would a lot of sense if he just shot em. I mean, it’s just like out of an Austin Powers movie. Just shoot him. Yes yes… Revenge … break his spirit blah blah. Just shoot em already. But no, they don’t. They fly him halfway around the world to put him in some Indian jail. Sigh.

    Another thing… Was no one else really bothered at the plotline of holding Gotham City hostage? Hostage? Come on… just blow it up. That’s what the league of shadows were trying to do in the first place and here we have bad guy total victory and .. they hold the city hostage? For what? They already stole all the money. And .. Oh yeah.. Bomb on a timer.. REALLY? A timer?

    The above points came close to ruining this film for me. It’s still a good and entertaining film, but I guess I hold Christopher Nolen movies to a higher standard of storytelling. Maybe that’s not fair of me though.

  • http://www.facebook.com/misael.torallandaverde Misael Toral Landaverde

    14 and 15 are stupid complaints. Batman never yelled at the end