geekosystem

eHow.com, advice for the curious life indeed. A place where people can tell other people how to accomplish important, difficult or interesting things like how to deal with a breakup, or how to decide on a career, or how to stop sucking your thumb at age 21. Yeah, for every valuable eHow out there, there’s one that’s weirdly specific, weirdly irrelevant, weirdly useless, or just plain weird.

For your enjoyment, we’ve collected 21 weird eHows so that you can bask in the glory of sweet information. Each picture includes the eHow’s summary followed by the difficultly level, a list of required objects (if given), a choice excerpt and a link to the full article should you find something you really must learn.

Oh, and although it should go without saying, but there are a few in here you shouldn’t try at home, a few you shouldn’t try at work, at least one you should only try at a hospital and a bunch you shouldn’t try at all. I take no responsibility if you actually manage to summon that demon, or really be like Ke$ha.

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Warning: It’ll as be long as something really long.

1. No. 1 | How To Stop Sucking Your Thumb At 21 Years Old

   

   Difficulty: <strong>Challenging</strong> Things You'll Need:<strong> Lollipops, Toothpicks, Therapist, Hypnotherapist</strong> <blockquote>When you find yourself wanting to suck your thumb, pull out a lollipop or toothpick and suck or chew on it instead. Do this for a few weeks until you are comfortable not sucking your thumb. At this time begin to wean yourself off the lollipops or toothpicks by using them less and less.</blockquote> <strong> </strong><a href="http://www.ehow.com/how_8164204_stop-thumb-twentyone-years-old.html#ixzz1SaXi4U5W">Read the full article. </a>

2. No. 2 | How To Write Bad Poetry

   

   Difficulty: <strong>Easy</strong> <blockquote>Use words that have lots of letters but you have no idea what they mean. Look in a dictionary for particular long and complicated words and include them in your poetry. It also helps if they rhyme, but anything goes in bad poetry.</blockquote> <a href="http://www.ehow.com/how_2273903_write-bad-poetry.html#ixzz1Saa14Giy">Read the full article.</a>

3. No. 3 | How To Be Like Ke$ha

   

   Difficulty: <strong>Challenging</strong> <blockquote>Be yourself. Yes, this article is about how to be like Kesha but Kesha is a unique individual. Don't show your cleavage or turn into a stick figure in order to get attention; simply let others see your own unique qualities. Let your beautiful inner qualities shine and people will be instantly attracted to you -- just as they are to Kesha.</blockquote> <a href="http://www.ehow.com/how_6043072_like-kesha.html#ixzz1SaZIKvvh">Read the full article.</a>

4. No. 4 | How To Destroy A Voodoo Doll

   

   Difficulty: <strong>Moderately Easy</strong> Things You'll Need: <strong>White Cloth, Sea Salt, Fruit, Coins, 7-Day Protective Candle </strong> <blockquote>Take the doll to a remote stream or forest and leave it there. Bring an offering of fruit and some coins. When you leave the doll, ask the spirits of the water or earth to transform the doll's negative energy.</blockquote> <a href="http://www.ehow.com/how_7860705_destroy-voodoo-doll.html#ixzz1Saam1T9R">Read the full article.</a>

5. No. 5 | How To Sell Car Audio To A Stupid Teenage Who Talks Gangster

   

   Difficulty: <strong>Moderately Easy</strong> <blockquote>Ok so the gangster talking kid is hanging around your showroom, so now what? You have to understand that these people have jobs and get paychecks too, so if he is enticed by something he will blow his entire paycheck on it-- no problemo. If not, he is just there to talk to you about things he will "get in like a month" because it makes him feel like a millionaire. The next step will help you identify why they are in your store, and if you can actually make this encounter into a sale.</blockquote> <a href="http://www.ehow.com/how_4561701_stupid-teenager-who-talks-gangster.html#ixzz1SacGMyaO">Read the full article.</a>

6. No. 6 | How To Vanquish And Summon Balthazar

   

   Difficulty: <strong>Challenging</strong> Things You'll Need: <strong>Balthazar flesh, pigs feet, etc etc.</strong> <blockquote>if your still alive you must make the potion: <br>ingredients: <br> Cockles <br>Crickets <br>Pig's Feet <br>Mandrake <br>toadflax <br>a dash of cardamom <br>a pinch of carrot seeds <br>elm bark <br>Slice of demons flesh (Balthazar) <br>Mix the ingredients in a pot over fire with boiling water. Then add the demons flesh stand back when you drop in the flesh for it will explode a bit <a href="http://www.ehow.com/how_5812269_vanquish-summon-balthazar.html#ixzz1SlfVF2Af"></a></blockquote> <a href="http://www.ehow.com/how_5812269_vanquish-summon-balthazar.html#ixzz1SlfVF2Af">Read the full article.</a>

7. No. 7 | How To Lose An American Citizenship

   

   Difficulty: <strong>Moderately Challenging</strong> <blockquote>Commit treason. If you want to forfeit your U.S. citizenship, remember that treason convictions usually result in prison sentences. Committing treason is the only way to have your citizenship involuntarily taken from you. Acts of treason include armed attack against the U.S. government or sabotage for its ruin. A U.S. court must find you guilty of treason before your citizenship can be revoked.</blockquote> <a href="http://www.ehow.com/how_5663882_lose-american-citizenship.html#ixzz1Slgt7K6T">Read the full article. </a>

8. No. 8 | How To Use Cowboy Jargon

   

   Difficulty: <strong>Easy</strong> <blockquote>Try using a new word once a week. Vow to incorporate that word in your everyday conversations at least once a day for a whole week. It should be part of your normal vocabulary by then. See a partial list of cowboy jargon below in the tips section.</blockquote> From the tips section: <blockquote>On the warpath<br> Shoot yourself in the foot <br> Saddle up<br> Rode hard<br> Bite the dust<br> Long, dusty trial<br> Rope them in<br> Lasso them in<br> Round them up<br> Trigger happy</blockquote> <a href="http://www.ehow.com/how_2342424_use-cowboy-jargon.html#ixzz1SlqSO36b">Read the full article</a>

9. No. 9 | How To Start A Home-Based Debt Collection Agency

   

   Difficulty: <strong>Moderate</strong> <blockquote>In addition to a computer, a home-based debt collection agency should have a dedicated telephone line (it's much more professional than having 5 year old Joey answer the phone), a fax machine, and copy machine <a href="http://www.ehow.com/how_4534936_home-based-debt-collection-agency.html#ixzz1Slq7ZfRQ"></a></blockquote> <a href="http://www.ehow.com/how_4534936_home-based-debt-collection-agency.html#ixzz1Slq7ZfRQ">Read the full article.</a>

10. No. 10 | How To Stop A Dog From Eating Feces

    

    Difficulty: <strong>Moderately Challenging</strong> <blockquote>Train your dog to defecate on demand.</blockquote> <a href="http://www.ehow.com/how_7151_stop-dog-eating.html">Read the full article.</a>

11. No. 11 | How To Fail To Succeed (or How To Succeed At Failing To Give Your Article An Indicative Title)

    

    Difficulty: <strong>Moderate</strong> <blockquote>Change your mindset that failures are acceptable. Change your mindset that failing is ok. Change your mindset that failing is a learning <a href="http://www.ehow.com/how_5578586_fail-succeed.html#ixzz1SlpXEajz"></a></blockquote> <a href="http://www.ehow.com/how_5578586_fail-succeed.html#ixzz1SlpXEajz">Read the full article.</a>

12. No. 12 | How To Get Fired

    

    Difficulty: <strong>Moderate</strong> <blockquote>Compile the office gossip into an interdepartmental memo hit, the send button and sprint for the exit. Don't hold anything back: trysts, fraud, and paranoid speculation are all fair game. Be sure to mention that everyone thinks Darrell's pants are too tight.</blockquote> <a href="http://www.ehow.com/how_2077094_get-fired.html#ixzz1Slp81R4o">Read the full article.</a>

13. No. 13 | How To Pretend To Be An Indie Rock Expert

    

    Difficulty: <strong>Too underground to be listed on such a mainstream article.</strong> <blockquote>"Yeah, Dean Wareham is such a Lou Reed and Velvet Underground disciple. But it's funny because Galaxy 500 was more about the drone, but Luna has more of the pop-strum feel of "Loaded." So he's covered the gamut of Lou's influence in his career. I don't like Damon and Naomi, though. They are way too Lo-Fi. (Pause). You know, I saw Luna open for VU in Prague back in the early '90s on their European reunion tour."</blockquote> <a href="http://www.ehow.com/how-to_4845452_fake-being-indie-rock-expert.html#ixzz1SllwjimA">Read the full article.</a> Heads up, this one is a multi-pager. Don't miss the links at the bottom of each section.

14. No. 14 | How To Pretend To Be A Girl

    

    Difficulty: <strong>Moderate</strong> Things You'll Need: <strong>Feminine haircut or wig, Manicure and fingernail polish, Body waxing or shaving supplies, Tight cotton underwear, Bra, False breasts or tissue, Women's clothes, Comfortable shoes, Accessories, Makeup</strong> <blockquote>Select shoes that you can manage. Your first instincts may be to purchase a pair of high heels, but if you aren't practiced in walking in them, you'll soon have troubles. Instead, choose a cute pair of flats or even strappy sandals so that you are comfortable when pretending to be a girl.</blockquote> <a href="http://www.ehow.com/how_2252516_pretend-be-girl.html#ixzz1SlnPdI18">Read the full article.</a>

15. No. 15 | How To Pretend You're Working While At Work

    

    Difficulty: <strong>Easy</strong> <blockquote>Become one with the screen minimizing function on your computer. Since most people spend the majority of the time that they're not working surfing the Net, being able to toggle between say a screen where you're actually performing your job duties and another one featuring your favorite website is an invaluable skill.</blockquote> <a href="http://www.ehow.com/how_2187627_pretend-youre-working-work.html#ixzz1SlsBTLBl">Read the full article.</a>

16. No. 16 | How To Avoid Being Arrested For Public Nudity

    

    Difficulty: <strong>Easy</strong> <blockquote>Refrain from being naked in front of children. Even states with very liberal public nudity laws tend to frown on this sort of thing. Exposing genitalia or other private body parts to minors is almost a sure invitation to arrest. <a href="http://www.ehow.com/how_2095409_avoid-being-arrest-public-nudity.html#ixzz1SlsbCwjM"></a></blockquote> <a href="http://www.ehow.com/how_2095409_avoid-being-arrest-public-nudity.html#ixzz1SlsbCwjM">Read the full article.</a>

17. No. 17 | How To Refuse The Advances Of An Attractive Woman

    

    Difficulty: <strong>Easy</strong> <blockquote>Make crude comments to the attractive woman. Most women want respect from a man while being drooled over. If you only look at her like a piece of meat she will likely disappear. <a href="http://www.ehow.com/how_2272375_refuse-advances-attractive-woman.html#ixzz1SltAgneg"></a></blockquote> <a href="http://www.ehow.com/how_2272375_refuse-advances-attractive-woman.html#ixzz1SltAgneg">Read the full article.</a>

18. No. 18 | How To Ruin Someone's Life

    

    Difficulty: <strong>Moderate</strong> Things You'll Need:<strong> </strong><strong>A fabulous wardrobe, Access to trendy clubs, The paparazzi on speed dial</strong> <blockquote>Befriend your mortal enemy. It's like they always say, keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. Get to know the person and let her think you are friends. Gather information and direct some of her actions based on this new relationship.</blockquote> <a href="http://www.ehow.com/how_2078934_ruin-someones-life.html#ixzz1SltZ0wrn">Read the full article.</a>

19. No. 19 | How To Use Superglue To Fix A Tooth

    

    Difficulty: <strong>Moderate</strong> Things You'll Need:<strong> </strong><strong>Lighted mirror; metal fork; clean, dry cloth; surgical superglue; tissue; nail file</strong> <blockquote>Run your tongue over the repair. Smooth any rough spots by rubbing them down with a nail file. This type of adhesive can create very sharp edges on the inside of the mouth once it is fully set. <a href="http://www.ehow.com/how_5608066_use-super-glue-fix-tooth.html#ixzz1SluNbvLe"></a></blockquote> <a href="http://www.ehow.com/how_5608066_use-super-glue-fix-tooth.html#ixzz1SluNbvLe">Read the full article.</a>

20. No. 20 | How To Remove Superglue From A Tooth

    

    Difficulty: <strong>Easier than you'd think.</strong> Things You'll Need:<strong> </strong><strong>Saliva, warm water</strong> <blockquote>Use your saliva to wet the glue on your tooth. This will help break up the adhesive. <a href="http://www.ehow.com/how_7523785_remove-super-glue-tooth.html#ixzz1SlvcYPSd"></a></blockquote> <a href="http://www.ehow.com/how_7523785_remove-super-glue-tooth.html#ixzz1SlvcYPSd">Read the full article. </a>

21. No. 21 | How To Unlock Telekinetic Abilities

    

    Difficulty: <strong>Challenging</strong> Things You'll Need:<strong> </strong><strong>Spoon</strong> <blockquote>Hold a spoon, and concentrate on an image of the metal becoming soft and melting so that the spoon bends. Focus on the spoon for at least five minutes. Practice daily. <a href="http://www.ehow.com/how_2182682_unlock-telekinetic-ability.html#ixzz1SlwZEMvw"></a></blockquote> <a href="http://www.ehow.com/how_2182682_unlock-telekinetic-ability.html#ixzz1SlwZEMvw">Read the full article.</a>