Dear The Future,
This is Ian, writing from The Past. I have no doubt that The Future is a nightmarish dystopian hellscape of some sort or another, because pretty much every piece of fiction I’ve ever experienced has driven that point home. Since I’m in The Past, though, I don’t know exactly what kind of nightmarish dystopia you are living in. I know smart money is on humanity having been wiped out by robots or zombies, or being reduced to sub-human mutations by fallout from a devastating nuclear conflict. Also, being wiped out by aliens is a dark horse candidate.
But on the off chance that none of those things are true, and instead sea creatures have risen up from the abyssal plain to finally stake their claim to dry land by killing or enslaving the human nations of the world, consider this an important message from The Past: KILL THIS SHARK.
You see this bamboo shark, walking around on coral like it thinks it’s people, or at least some sort of land creature? This is how the downfall of your civilization begins. So please, hop in your time machine, come back to The Past (which looks an awful lot like The Present from here) and murder this shark. Or preferably, kill its parents. We would be happy to do it for you, but that’s not how this sort of thing works. You know the rules.
- Say what you will, this is still more feasible than Discovery’s megalodon special
- Knowledge is power — know your aquatic nemesis before it’s too late.
- You’ll have to torch the body to ensure it doesn’t return as a Ghost Shark