Looking for a last minute Valentine’s Day gift that’s really unique? For just a $10 donation to the zoo, you can immortalize your sweetheart by naming one of the Bronx Zoo’s 58,000 Madagascar Hissing Cockroaches after them. You’ll even get a fancy certificate you can send to remind them of what you’ve done, even if reminding anyone you care about that you named a roach after them doesn’t seem like an advisable thing to do. You’ve got to give the zoo points for novelty on this one, because no one — and I mean no one — expects to be indelibly linked to a huge, noisy terror-bug for Valentine’s Day.
“What’s so romantic about a cockroach?” you might ask, being a sane, thinking person. Well, according to the Bronx Zoo, lots!
“Naming a Madagascar hissing roach in honor of someone near and dear to your heart shows that you’ve noticed how resilient, resourceful, and loyal that person is. You’re not afraid to say, “Baby, you’re a roach!”
For future reference, you should definitely be afraid to say that to anyone you care about. Seriously. Don’t do it.
While the Bronx Zoo is tops when it comes to animal husbandry, I’m not sure if they’ve got this whole romantic human mating thing down yet. That’s ok, though — precious few of us do, and hey, points for effort and all that jazz. On the other hand, though, the campaign isn’t entirely without merit.
Sure, the suggestion is that you name the roach after someone who is very near to you — but it’s not a hard and fast rule or anything. And for $10 — which goes to the very worthwhile cause of running a zoo — you can name that roach after literally anyone you can think of, which means it could still be a great Valentine’s Day gift, if not in the way the zoo intended. For example, just think of the smile that will light up you girlfriend’s face when she finds out the co-worker who’s always making her life hell now shares a name with a hideous cockroach that will live it’s entire miserable existence in captivity. It’s not the sole present you should do, but is it a cute gesture alongside dinner and flowers?* You bet it is.
Or, you could always give yourself a Valentine and name a roach after a former lover who done you wrong. After all, Valentine’s Day is for lovers, but that doesn’t mean we can’t spare a few moments to think of our enemies, too.
To name a roach and help support all the animals at the Bronx Zoo, go here.
*Seriously, if you do this, you still have to buy dinner and flowers. I cannot stress this strongly enough.
(via Bronx Zoo)
- Then again, if you’re a wasp larva, a roach is basically a box of chocolates
- Probably avoid roach-eating contests on Valentine’s Day, and also all other days
- Robo-roach? Cool, but still not romantic at all