Summer is on its way, which means it’s just about time to start converting your sick leave into three day weekends for the coming months. How to make sure your boss doesn’t call your bluff, though? Well, today brings us a small good thing — a veritable litany of excuses not to use when taking a sick day. A British healthcare provider’s survey of 1,000 employers and 1,000 employees has turned up some of the world’s lamest excuses for not being able to come into work, including gems like “My fish is sick” and the just-vague-enough-to-be-troubling “I’ve injured myself during sex.”
Here are some more of our favorite excuses from the survey conducted by Benenden Health.
My dog has had a big fright and I don’t want to leave him
I am hallucinating
My new girlfriend bit me in a delicate place
I drank too much and fell asleep on someone’s floor – I don’t know where I am
I’ve had a hair dye disaster
I’ve been bitten by an insect
I’ve injured myself during sex
Of course, the study offered some helpful hints for those of you looking to make the most of the summer by calling in sick. For examples, the employers surveyed said they were less likely to question a sick day if it involved some sort of intestinal distress, because really, who wants to go into detail on that. (Notably, I assume the same principle would apply for the “I’ve injured myself during sex” excuse) This point confirms once and for all that calling in sick with anything but “food poisoning” or something along the same lines is a fool’s errand. If you make that rookie mistake, you deserve whatever fate befalls you.
Especially if you go with the “my dog has had a big fright” line. The only thing sadder than that being an excuse is it being a real reason you need to stay home.
- You know who never has to call into work? Cats. They’ve got it made.
- You think astronauts ever call in sick? Of course they don’t, they are astronauts.
- This guy makes everyone who has ever faked a sick day look like an amateur