Warner Brothers has unveiled their latest Watchmen tie-in and it’s a toaster. Let me say that again: A toaster. In addition to ripping out Alan Moore’s soul and converting regular bread to crispy bread, the officially branded toaster officially brands your toast — presumably with the logo displayed on the side of the device. This makes Before Watchmen look like an exciting, artistically respectful project.

Have trouble getting up in the morning? Try a 5-Hour PCP. “It’ll get you through the day, you just won’t remember how!” And if that doesn’t cut it, go for the gallon.

I like fantasizing about the zombie apocalypse about as much as the next guy, but something about this bedspread is just a little creepy. Maybe it’s the hands that seem to be coming from underneath, or maybe it’s the bloodstains on the pillows. At least that’d hide my drool stains, assuming I could ever actually get to sleep.

Hiding dirty little gotchas inside of long, legalese agreements is nothing new. Companies have been doing it for ages. They’re starting to push the envelope more and more, however. Sony has used license agreements to prevent users from taking part in a class-action lawsuit (They’re being sued now). Not bad enough? Now it seems like Apple’s EULA for its iBooks Author publishing platform actually calls dibs on exclusive publishing rights to what you write with it, like if Photoshop laid claim to images you created with it. Needless to say, this severely affects your ability to sell your own work.

It should come as no surprise that SOPA has come back off its proverbial “shelf” but feel free to be surprised that it came back so fast. A mere 4 days after announcing he was dropping the DNS blocking provisions of the bill and putting it on the shelf until a “consensus” was reached, Representative Lamar Smith has brought SOPA back out to play, and just in time for the January 18th SOPA blackouts.

To the men in our audience: Fellows, how many times have you stood in front of a urinal in the midst of reliving yourself and thought, “I sure wish this thing I am peeing into could tell me if I am healthy or not.” Well, friends, that day may be sooner than you think. Designer Royce Zhang has created this interesting urinal concept which combines a sensor suite, touch screen, and space age design into what he calls the e-Urinal. Does it get weirder? Oh, of course it does.

To read the copy on the hard drive snooping website Find His Porn (emphasis theirs), you would think that the history of human relationships can be boiled down to a single conflict: On the one side, there are men who secretly spend all their time and money on porn, and women who must use any means at their disposal to ferret out these disgusting acts. If you’re not offended by this, you probably should be. 

It’s Black Friday, formally the worst day for retailers during the year, so it’s not too surprising to see ads popping up in unusual places. I was, however, taken aback when I opened a new tab in Chrome and found that Google was using my homepage as an opportunity to try and sell me a Google Chromebook.

Given that Thanksgiving is fast approaching, I think I’ll take today to be thankful that I am not a toad with a parasitic worm in its eye, like this toad that has a parasitic worm in its eye. That said, he seems to be pretty OK with it. Still, it’s pretty gross. See how long you can watch it before you start feeling phantom worms wigglin’ and squigglin’ in your own ey-ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD.

There’s a new Facebook exploit out there that showed up a few days ago, but is only just now reaching critical mass. What does it do? Not much, just post gore and pornography to the infected user’s feed, causing them to unwittingly share it with all their friends, their acquaintances, a number of people they’ve probably never met, and sometimes even Grandma. The exploit has been snowballing over the past few days, affecting more and more users directly by forcing them to post the material, and even more indirectly, those who just have the pleasure of stumbling across them.