If you need a bottle opened, but don’t have a bottle opener, Max’s belt buckle, or the side of a desk or table that you don’t really care about scuffing, but you also happen to have a chainsaw handy — because why wouldn’t you — you can follow in the footsteps of this master chainsawman and have that bottle opened rather quickly.

Sure, this teaser for The Expendables 2 may be branded out the wazoo, but it has Terry Crews explaining that trailers require trailers nowadays, and then some indecipherable explosions, and then Terry Crews yelling at us some more. It’s surprisingly great, just like the first Expendables.

If you weren’t aware, Nick Offerman, who plays manliest of men Ron Swanson on the excellent Parks and Recreation, is actually the manliest of men in real life as well; Ron Swanson seems to be largely based on Nick Offerman himself. So, what’s a funny thing that the manliest of men could do? Sternly recite tweets of young female celebrities while doing manly woodwork outdoors. I think Conan has a gem of a segment here.

“Our blades are fucking great.” That’s the line that first grabs viewers when they watch the video for the Dollar Shave Club, and it was what I couldn’t resist goading the company’s co-founder Mike Dubin with when I spoke with him. I feel a little bad about that. Anyway, the Dollar Shave Club is looking to revolutionize how you shave your face (or legs, or whatever you want) with the same kind of disruptive startup sensibility that has defined the tech industry.

Sometimes, you meet a man in the middle of the road. He gives you a beard. And the nightmare begins.

You know what’s much scarier than simply climbing up a really tall, snowy mountain? Dirt biking across its very narrow peak. You know, like the person above is doing.

When you’re in ridiculously good shape and possess a large amount of Muay Thai martial arts skill, the obvious thing to do with the combination you’re lucky to have is to let loose on a banana tree. I mean, banana trees are jerks, right?

It’s hard to imagine that life exists somewhere on the barren, dry, cold reaches of some place like Mars. It’s even harder to look for any, on Mars at least. That’s why many scientists have turned to studying the extremophile microbes that live in the most inhospitable places on Earth to discover what kind of off-the-wall, unpredictable survival techniques might be used to survive out in the wastes of Mars, or anywhere else for that matter. By studying extremophiles, researchers from Portland State University have discovered a particularly gritty kind of bacteria that survives by essentially eating iron.

Some talk shows are better than others. This talk show is better than all the others. Why? Because it had this guy on it. Watch as the stereotypically ‘80s dude melts hearts and faces with his blistering rendition of “Georgia On My Mind.” I didn’t know you can whistle that way, but I guess you can, amazingly to boot. I’ll just be sitting here making faces at the screen like those absolutely flabbergasted kids.

Readers unfamiliar with the traditional dances of Pacific Islanders may be confused by what’s going on here but, according Wikipedia, the dance being performed by this New Zealand flashmob is a “Haka.” Apparently one variety of the Haka dance has been co-opted by local sports teams, which may be partly responsible for this recent display. Regardless of the motivation behind the dance, the subtlety with which it grows to an incredible size is amazing. Watch, enjoy, maybe get a little scared.

(via Reddit)