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I do not claim to be a scientographist

I do not claim to be a scientographist

Oh No, Not This Again: Tens of Thousands of Dead Herring Wash Ashore in Norway

by Max Eddy | 11:03 am, January 3rd

Cast your mind back, dear reader, to about this time last year. First we had news of mass bird deaths in Arkansas, followed by news of an equally unsettling mass fish die out. We already had 200 dead birds fall on the same city this year, but it seems that the fish decided to head to Norway to die in 2012. This was the sight along a beach in northern Norway on New Year’s Eve, after 20 tons of dead herring washed ashore. Is this the end of days? Should we start running around, screaming about the Mayan calendar? No, you fools: Grab some brine and wine and get those herring pickled – stat!

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I do not claim to be a scientographist

Don’t You Just Hate Probability?

by Eric Limer | 11:30 am, October 28th

Probability was my least favorite math unit, and this is why. Because even the questions that they assured me “make sense” look like this. It’s multiple choice so, obviously, the answer is 25%, but that’s there twice, so obviously the answer is 50%, but that’s only 25% of the answers. So, obviously, the answer is: There is no answer. If the answer is 25%, then the answer is 50%, in which case the answer is 25%. Lather, rinse, repeat, crash to blue screen.

Welcome to the real world. Everything you thought you knew is wrong. Everything you thought you didn’t know doesn’t exist. You are a banana. The answer is Jenga. Word salad is for breakfast. Just accept it and move on.

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I do not claim to be a scientographist

These Are Pictures of Electron Orbitals

by Eric Limer | 11:05 am, August 29th

What’s the new in hot, hot physics eye-candy? Pictures of electron orbitals. Using an atomic force microscope (AFM), physicists have been able to take the closest look at atomic structure that we’ve ever seen, getting down as far as electron orbitals. Now, what you see above are pictures of the places around the nucleli of the atoms where electrons are most likely to be. Where are the actual electrons? Well, I’m no scientographist, but allow me to explain to the best of my ability.

You can’t actually get a depiction of any actual electrons because they are never actually in any single point-location. You see, electrons straddle the line between particle and wave, so you can find the probability that an electron exists in a given place, but not the actual electron. The models you probably learned in school are a bit oversimplified in order to avoid having to explain that you can never really isolate a single electron (or because your textbooks were from the early 60s).

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