Internet Protocol is a simple, yet sophisticated beast. The entire process is about transmitting data packets back and forth, so the computers involved don’t really need to know or understand the physical components of the process so long as they continue to receive their data from each other. As long as it comes in a format that’s readable, nearly anything can be substituted for typical computer parts. Enter xylophones.

Even though digital chess played over the Internet has been a common occurrence long before even phones and video game consoles were adept at accessing said Internet, there’s still something special about playing chess on a physical chessboard over the Internet. Especially when your opponent’s pieces move without any kind of physical interaction. YouTube user FunGowRightNow12 created just this type of chess set, with the much larger goal of enabling people to play board games with each other across the world, regardless of physical location.

In early February, NASA’s Solar Dynamics Observatory captured footage of whirling tornado-like storm on the surface of the sun. This enormous mass of plasma raged for over a day and was estimated to be larger than the Earth. Of course, it’s not a tornado in the same way that we understand them here on Earth. It’s obviously way bigger, way more terrifying, and way weirder.

It seems like zombies have been trending forever, but guns with chainsaws mounted to them being pitched as zombie killing devices have picked up in popularity recently. That being the case, the guys over at Guns & Gardens wanted to get in on the fun too, but with a twist; their gun — the OMG AR-15 Unicorn – is marketed towards the little ladies in your life. Or anyone who digs rainbows, unicorns, and butterflies, really.

You want the Confucius? You can’t handle the Confucius! At least, you aren’t likely to be able to when you’re staring down this particular 32-foot behemoth. Built by Zhang Huan of An Yang City, China, Confucius here is made primarily out of silicone, steel, carbon fiber, and acrylic. His features are so surprisingly lifelike, you almost expect him to wake up and start trying to escape the floor he appears to be encased in, dispensing wisdom all the while.

If you want to track someone’s whereabouts, you can do something sneaky like put a bug on their car, or hack their cellphone, or just stalk them. On the other hand, you could take the easy route and just give them a stylish pair of Aetrex GPS tracking shoes. Before you get too confused, these shoes were designed with a very specific purpose in mind, keeping tabs on those individuals suffering from Alzheimer disease or dementia. They aren’t for spying; they are not nearly suave enough for that.

The biggest problem with tech these days is that everything is getting smaller. That is why I strongly approve of Behringer and their new iNuke iPod dock announced at CES 2012. This baby weighs 900 pounds, requires a double door to even get into a house, and is too big to even function as a desk or table or something. It’s so big that it is severely inconvenient and practically useless for the average person; exactly how I like my speakers. Needless to say, the bass this bad boy drops could probably kill you, but that’s part of the fun. Behringer has miraculously gotten a few pre-orders for the insane device, and I say more power to them. Apple, I’m looking at you for a giant iPhone. I want to be able to hollow it out and live inside.

Anything and everything is going digital at a staggering and frightening pace, so why not relationships? Yeah, you can be “in a relationship” on Facebook and feel all high and mighty in the face of your single friends, but a new iOS app called TheIceBreak aims to be a social network exclusively for you and your special someone. That way you can be all mushy without driving everyone else you know absolutely insane, in theory anyways.

If you needed a new way to ingest YouTube content, you’re in luck, because YouTube Slam is on the way. YouTube Slam is a nifty little half-gimmick, half-game that aims to let users vote on potentially viral clips, skyrocketing the winners to their 15 minutes seconds of fame on the leaderboard. Of course, there’s a little bit more to it than that. By voting on one clip over the other, you’re also sort of betting on it, and you stand to gain in the long run if you picked correctly. Gain what? Internet points, of course, that you can lord over your friends and family.

Have you ever been eating out of a 34 fluid ounce bowl and suddenly thought to yourself, “Man, it sure is a shame that this 34 fluid ounce bowl isn’t the inverted stomach of a 26 pound, 32,000 calorie gummi bear“? If so, then the 26 pound, 32,000 calorie Party Bear, complete with 34 fluid ounce inverted stomach bowl, might just be for you. The bears are available from Vat19 for a cool $200, an excellent investment if ever there was one. Pick up a green apple one, put some creepy orange briefs on it, and maybe it’ll start singing for you.

Check out a surprisingly awesome music video that actually pertains to the Party Bear after the jump.