Happy Birthday, Chuck Norris

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by Robert Quigley | 8:50 am, March 10th, 2010

Today is Chuck Norris‘ 70th birthday. Seventy years ago to this day — you may note that this was before America won World War II — Norris was born in Ryan, Oklahoma, three months premature. The rest is history.

You’ve heard Chuck Norris facts in a hundred other places — here’s a website entirely devoted to them — but we’ll note only that even in his latter years, the second-most powerful entity out there is still scared stiff of him. That’s right: Google will not search for Chuck Norris.

angelg33k

America won World War II? All on your own? What a charming attitude of American narcissism. Kind of like when the History teacher at Pace Uni, NYC, tried to teach us that that the war started in 1941, the year in which America joined.
funinthesun2010

Recent video of real Chuck Norris pushing down the earth (NO JOKE!) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H9Eo-TbivU4

It was recommended to me by a friend to put on my toilet Chuck’s new “Official Chuck Norris Fact Book” and watch what happens. Every guest I have over is laughing from the bathroom. No joke! Every toilet in America needs one on it. Awesome caricature drawings too in each of the 101 entries. See and check out a few examples at http://books.google.com/books?id=cR6aJxgj21IC&dq=Official+ Chuck+NOrris+Fact+Book&printsec=frontcover&source=bl&ots=j2 P9WpmK9g&sig=x2NIugkPLY5EcsbHW6WTdFDnts&hl=en&ei=wzkfS7zWCc KWtgfkkKCbCg&sa=X&oi=bookresult&ct=result&resnum=2&ved=0CA4 Q6AEwATgK#v=onepage&q=&f=false
http://www.facebook.com/people/Quame-Mifume/100000504888694 Quame Mifume

If it wasn’t for America most of the world would be speaking German, Japanese and Italian. If America didn’t win the war who did? The British, French ? HA
Hotmale20

I think you can thank the Canadians for the key victories. The Yankees just took all the credit.

The Unintentional Hilarity of Twitter Spam Bots

Back Alley Internet is a recurring column in which we explore some of the weirder corners of the Internet and see what we can drudge up for your amusement and education. This week: We study the legions of Twitter bots that trawl the trending topics and spit out some unintentionally hilarious tweets.

Tweetosystem

Eric Limer You have to tew two tutus?! I have to tew two tutus too!
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Max The Pizza and Pasta Foundation supports the federal SAUCE act. Ask your congressman to put some SAUCE on it!
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Eric Limer I like how if you make a mistake typing a popular URL, invariably the site you find is all "YOU'RE WINNER!" It's uplifting for a second.
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Max Spam for work involves a false teeth supplier and someone looking to buy magnetic plates.
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Eric Limer So that improv show was definitely a good idea. Ben Schwartz, Zach Woods, Justin Long, AND Adam Scott. #EverythingWentBetterThanExpected
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Max Got a lot crossed off my to-do list tonight, and I'm starting to feel significantly less freaked about about, well, life.
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Eric Limer I need trephination like I need a hole in the head.
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Max AIM CHAT: I like you, too. *belushis*
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Eric Limer Listening to Call Me Maybe and cropping screengrabs of Twitter bots. It's times like this that I really love my job.
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James Plafke Popular rapper Ladies Love Removed Eyes.
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Eric Limer I am genuinely enjoying using So.cl to make weird picture mash-ups. I just made a collage of becks. http://t.co/ulGbDbwn
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Eric Limer This Facebook IPO coverage needs to stop cuz I'm seriously sick of seeing Zuckerberg staring creepily at me from the top of every story.
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Max Put on your poodle skirts and choose your favorite syrup because we're gonna have a sock-hop at the iHop.
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James Plafke I just threatened my mom to email me something by telling her I'd discuss with her all the lady celebrities I'd have sex with.
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Max New Hallmark Card: "I held an extended conversation with you without being able to remember your name" Inside: "I'm sorry."
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Eric Limer To any of you bros who might like to ice me, I encourage you to act on that urge, bro.
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Eric Limer If anyone is looking for some totally garbled, nigh-incomprehensible ad copy, I'm your man.
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Eric Limer What? None of my Facebook friends are on So.cl? How can this be?!
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Eric Limer "Does this mustache look creepy? Experts are blind; can't tell."
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Rollin Bishop Lin Beifong is suddenly one of the best things about Legend of Korra.
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