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Uncategorized Tuesday, November 20th 2012 at 8:20 pm

Drunk Jerk Arrested for Telling Kids There’s No Santa Claus, Being a Drunk Jerk

A 24-year-old Canadian man has been arrested after walking along the route of Kingston, Ontario’s Santa Claus Day Parade telling children that there was no such thing as Santa Claus. Unsurprisingly, the man — who police described as ”having his hair formed to look like horns that were protruding from his head” — was drunk, and also in violation of his probation, which is still no good excuse for being a jagweed of this caliber.

While we totally understand that the Christmas season can bring out the drinker in all of us, telling kids there is no Santa Claus is just a jerk move — and pretty futile at a Santa Claus parade? After all, there are literally dozens of Santas walking around, and who are you going to listen to — them, or a hammered dude sporting the world’s worst haircut?

This drunken outburst is not at all in the spirit of the holiday, either, as unfocused, free-floating rage has no place in a Christmas celebration. It’s a well-known fact that all holiday rage should be honed like fine blade, forged over a fire of childhood disappointments, sharpened on a whetstone of long-forgotten slights, and directed at the nearest available family member, beloved pet, or television playing Frank Capra’s classic It’s a Wonderful Life. Anything else just demonstrates a lack of discipline that we frankly have no patience for.

We’d say we hope this guy — who was charged with public intoxication and creating a public disturbance —  gets a lump of coal in his stocking, except that we’re worried that might have a different meaning in jail that we seriously wouldn’t wish on anyone.

(via Vancouver 24 Hours)

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  • Dawin-ki

    Go blow!

  • CommentsSectionsAreDumb

    At least he provided an example of what kind of person you grow up to be if you don’t believe in Santa Claus.

  • Idlethoughts

    That either a pretty terrible sample size or me an a lot of people I know are going to change drastically with age.

  • David Aharon

    well there is NO SANTA CLAUS … the bum is absolutely right.

    Show me where in the Gospels did Jesus observe this PAGAN HOLIDAY? Why not go back to the HOLYDAYS Jesus and the disciples all observed?

  • Guest

    first off get your damn facts straight..and second i live in the city where the media and police claim he was drunk….well i can tell you first hand HE WAS NOT DRUNK…in fact the reason he got arrested is because he told a cop kid there was not santa…they could arrest him for telling the truth so they had to find a reason

  • http://www.facebook.com/troyldailey Troy Dailey

    Speaking as an old man….dude, it isn’t the sample size.

  • http://www.facebook.com/troyldailey Troy Dailey

    They observed the Sabbath starting at sundown on Friday. Following Judaic Law. Which is how it should be, because….and this might surprise you…they were all Jewish.

  • Idlethoughts

    …I’m pretty sure that if I did believe in santa I would be a bitter jerk.
    “I mean where does he get off not giving me or any other non-christains presents?! And what the deal with poor kids, why are they getting the crap presents and the rich kids who don’t need them getting the awesome ones?! I swear, you fat bastard, if I catch you crawling down my chimney Mrs. Claus is going to need more than just Rudolph to find whats left of you.”
    See, that’s what my slightly crazy seven year old self would have said if he believed in santa. Luckily the world was spared from this reality.