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Uncategorized Wednesday, March 28th 2012 at 5:58 pm

Why You Should Stop Worrying About Offending People

Over the past couple of days, a few things happened. The Internet got collectively mad at something “offensive,” as it is wont to do, and the New York City Department of Education began its quest to try to prevent people from collectively feeling a bunch of negative feelings. Both of these anger-inducers share the thread of political correctness and being offended, two concepts which are — as people tiptoe around certain words so as not to offend and people who frequently get offended by things will probably be offended to hear – inherently flawed.

Over on Forbes, author Tara Brown wrote a somewhat scathing article regarding “fake geek girls.” The short of it is, as claiming to be a geek girl herself, she doesn’t like when other girls pretend to be geeks, citing their lack of knowledge or depth of immersion as indicators as to what constitutes a “real” or “fake” geek girl. She also states that girls will pretend to be geeks in order to get the attention of men. Some do, some don’t, and people on the whole — regardless of gender — take up activities they don’t necessarily enjoy to attract a mate. We also don’t need to get into the fact that what one feels labels his or herself as some sort of label, may not be what the next person considers worthy of said label, and how that is a two way street. Her argument, and the reasons behind it, aren’t what’s really important here. It’s that the Internet felt very strongly about Brown’s article, generally in disagreement with it, and let the world know. From an article on our sister site The Mary Sue, to responses from notable Internet personalities such as Leigh Alexander, the Internet sure took issue with Brown’s piece, but a few logical fallacies, misunderstandings, and “it’s perfectly fair for everyone to feel how they feel regarding this subject, so stop yelling at each other” aside, the real issue here isn’t about “fake” subsection of culture anything, it’s about the basic concepts that caused the mini controversy: Political correctness and trying oh so hard not to offend anyone.

Recently, the New York City Department of Education showcased this, with a list of 50 words and phrases they are trying to get banned from city-issued tests. This wordlist, which include such benign words as “birthday,” and “dinosaur,” and such benign phrases and topics as “computers in the home” and “homes with swimming pools,” is a pretty good instance of the issues with political correctness. Sure, the NYC Department of Education created such a comprehensive word and phrase list in an attempt to prevent any kind of negative feelings students may experience from viewing — and thus being made to think about — potentially harmful topics. This isn’t a bad goal, or even a bad train of thought; not wanting to make someone feel terrible is a pretty good daily goal. However, this list proves that there’s really no end to that goal, and preventing people from experiencing negative feelings based on something they might read or overhear isn’t something that can ever be achieved. Here’s why:

The “homes with swimming pools” topic appears on the wordlist because the NYC Department of Education feels it might make children living in impoverished families feel badly because their family can’t afford a pool, which also goes for the “computers in the home” entry. Already, there are a multitude of other words and phrases that one can plainly see are left out — any type of large appliances, specific electronics, even larger-sized homes and the quality of food the family buys. Should we now avoid discussing higher quality beef and organic carrots because they’re more difficult to afford? What about cars? Surely a vehicle is a fairly expensive addition to a home.

Then, if you’re trying to avoid using words that may hurt the feelings of some students, why would you stop at their household’s level of income? The word “divorce” is included on the list, because, obviously, it’s a delicate topic and many a household has suffered through the potential trauma of divorce. So, if we’re sparing the feelings of children from possibly divorced parents, why shouldn’t we also exclude the word “marriage?” If some child of divorce might feel saddened at the mere mention of the concept of divorce, couldn’t reminding them of marriage trigger similar feelings? This could easily lead to discussing love or relationships in general, as that might remind the children that their parents are no longer in either of those two things.

Moving away from the Department of Education’s list, there are some fairly common instances of people attempting to be politically correct, but doing it wrong or in such a way to where it’s actually indirectly offensive or insulting. Incorrect political correctness. One of the best instances of this is one of the most common: Calling someone “African American” when they’re not from Africa. In doing this, you’re trying not to say “black,” thus giving off the impression that you feel the word “black” is an insulting word worth avoiding, which in turn makes it insulting because you look like you think it is. The word might be insulting to some, sure, but no more insulting than calling someone “white.” They’re two benign colors, neither of which technically match the color of the people’s skin that the two words are used to describe.

If “black” is bad, then “white” should be as well. If calling someone “African American” is the correct way to identify someone’s ethnicity or skin color, then shouldn’t we refer to everyone using the same convention? I believe my family tree goes back to Ukraine, but anyone who sees me would classify me as “white.” I was born in Florida. Should people start calling me Ukrainian American? Should I be insulted if they don’t? If everyone in the world could answer those two questions, they wouldn’t all give the same answers, and that is one half of the main problem of trying to be politically correct, or trying not to offend anyone. It’s a matter of different strokes for different folks, and you can’t possibly and shouldn’t have to accomodate everyone.

The other half of the problem is that trying to avoid causing offense is a never-ending rabbit hole. What may offend one, won’t offend another. What won’t offend billions, may offend a select few hundred. It’s fairly rational to think that someone somewhere is offended by something that isn’t universally accepted as “offensive,” something that most of us may even say or do every single day of our lives. So, who are we to say that the small, select group offended by our actions that we consider totally benign are wrong in their taking offense, and who are they to say we’re being offensive in the first place? That’s the problem. Political correctness and being offended are all a matter of taste. It’s no different than what television shows you like, or what kind of seafood makes you gag.

So, should people just suck it up and stop being offended? Of course not, they have every right to be offended. But should those people be able to tell you to stop doing a thing you feel isn’t offensive? Of course not! You have every right to do something you feel is harmless. Therein lies the unsolvable rub.

All of the above isn’t to say that you should go through your life trying to insult people and trying to be politically incorrect — and there is certainly a time and place for certain subject matter — but basically, don’t fret not being perfect about trying not to offend people, because the concept of causing offense and being offended isn’t exactly perfect itself.

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  • http://twitter.com/acidragdoll Bel

    This article interrogates the issue at approximately the same level of critical thought  I’d expect from a 16 year old taking an intro to philosophy course.

  • Sajaas

    Regardless, I see that you listened to the advice though, since you could totally be offending the person who wrote the text by saying that ;)

  • Anonymous

    I didn’t need an article. While I do not go out of way to offend people, if you are offended, I don’t really care. Grow up. You don’t have the right not to be offended.

  • Guest

    Dear James Plafke,
    I like you, you have a good head on your shoulders.  Thank you.

  • Guymartini26

    +1

  • Nölff

     OK. Who wants to fight? HIIIYYYYAAAAA!

  • Anonymous

    Life’s too short to become offended at stupid crap you have no control over. Grow up.

  • Baron von Hasenpfeffer IV

    “There’s so much plastic in this culture, 
    vinyl leopard skin is becoming 
    an endangered synthetic.” – Lily Tomlin

  • Anonymous

    A bunch of stuck up prissy princesses out there in the real world need to suck it up and stop offending others with their offended feelings…  Political Correct Movement, we’re looking at you!

  • Urieaal

    You know hows about instead of worrying about who is offended you worry about your self and just do like you should and not give a crap what the offended person thinks.

    Basically Grow the F**k up. Mature Adults do not act like that. If you got something to tell someone man the hell up and tell them or stfu seriously.

  • Anonymous

    You should worry about being an a-hole. That’s the issue when you offend people.

    “Offensiveness” is a deflection. Talking about whether or not you offended someone is making nebulous references to subjective emotions, instead of having a discussion about how problematic, harmful, malicious, or hostile what you said or did might have been.

  • Brad Mosch

    Exactly, but that’s the only level necessary to explain how silly the perceived issue is.  Why go any deeper?

  • http://twitter.com/saunieindiego saunie

    +1

  • karlkunath

    Bel…it’s a really good article…you can go interrogate(wtf-who uses this word in conversation?)any other issue you please….what the hell does your English usage in this sentence even mean??? ohhh, you are a pseudo intellectual …I am sure your published  articles  are much more interesting.  Especially if you fill them with words like interrogate and critical thought…like writing a paper for a philosophy course that one would rather watch paint dry than read.  He at least can use proper words and by stringing them together, make an interesting and readable sentence. What about you?  

  • http://www.facebook.com/coles2 Cole Schmidt

    To the Author:

     ”You have every right to do something you feel is harmless.”

    That has GOT to be the most untrue statement I have ever heard.

  • http://twitter.com/important Drew

    16 year olds often have smarter things to say than people twice their age

  • Hoss

     The article is a bit tedious but that doesn’t invalidate it’s point. If we are going to put limits on the first amendment, how far will we slide down that slippery slope? People will always take offense when their buttons get pushed. You can’t make that go away by slapping the alleged offender on the hand and saying “You’re not allowed to say that”. PC is BS.

  • Sorry

    I’m sorry but I do worry about offending people.. It’s almost like second nature to me. Even though I try so hard to not offend people I still get those who are offended not by what I have to say, but how I present this thought. I really enjoyed this article because it’s something that I don’t believe I could ever do. That is to not worry about those of which who are ‘offended’.
    * sigh *

  • http://www.facebook.com/betterpissedoffthenpissedon John Stevens

    I’m offended = I’m not emotionally developed enough to exercise self restraint, therefore you must do so on my behalf.

  • Anonymous

    Tell it to ENGLAND!

  • Anonymous

    They’ve gotten so RIDICULOUSLY insane with their P.C. bullshit, that when a lounge singer was singing ‘Kung Fu Fighting” got reported by some chinese guy for racism AND WAS ARRESTED.   ALSO, some retarded group wanted people to stop saying Brain Storm because it might offend people with epilepsy (epilepsy foundation said – are you insane? we assure no, no one is offended)  They wanted people to say “thought showers”  I KID YOU NOT.  

    They also have a committee to REMOVE BOOKS FROM PUBLIC SCHOOLS for racism, sexism, homophobia, etc.  ONE BOOK RATED BOTH RACIST & SEXIST – a 2nd year story about a little girl & a mean horse no one could break and how she befriended the horse by being very nice and giving him sugar cubes.  THE HORSE WAS BLACK (racist) THE GIRL BEFRIENDED THE HORSE BY BEING NICE and giving it sugar, making her appear weak  So like what, she couldn’t do anything ‘stronger’ or some bullshit that bitch said)  THOMAS THE TANK ENGINE TRAIN, is sexist because they are boy trains.  PADDINGTON BEAR, I believe was RACIST but god knows I don’t know why.   THAT IS THE P.C. BULLSHIT!!  Of course they’ve got some stupid retarded lesbian african immigrant bitch on the committee – with a chip the size of mount everest on her shoulder.  MY SON loved Thomas the Tank engine train and he grew up to be a fine young man, what the FUCK man?Also, tell it to France because some 75 year old man got arrested for saying “when I was a young man I was worked like a negro” and FINED $8,000 !!

  • Anonymous

    Oh also, in regards to the whole ‘african american’ BULLSHIT term?  I see americans referring to blacks WORLDWIDE as african americans.  I read an article where some retarded american basketball player referred to someone as african american while in france and she tore him a new asshole.  FRENCH people hate americans even the blacks ones!!  LMAO  She said I AM FRENCH, NOT american and I am NOT from africa.  The entire term offended her.

    Also Egypt, Tunisia, Algeria, Morocco, etc., are in N. Africa and they aren’t black.   The entire term is as retarded as calling PAKISTANI’s ”ASIANS” in England.  So rather than refer to them as what they really are, Pakistani Muslims, they are described, even physical descriptions as ASIANS, so if you’re not from england you are left wondering – like some CHINESE guy?  Pakistani’s are mostly East Indians, and since they refer to all their ‘arabs’ as Asians, one would have no idea what the fuck they are talking about.  AGAIN Tunisia is in Africa, not Asia – Turkey is in Europe – one does not describe someone physically based on just the CONTINENT they are from.

  • Chris

    i dont agree with bel, i think, as brad says, the concept is explained eloquently and simply in a manner that can be well understood (but maybe not by karl here) - if it were over complicated then it could put people off. Anyway, back to what my original point was going to be, i have to say i would use the word “interrogate” in conversation without thinking anything of it. Also, you confuse me slightly karl, you take umbrage at bels vocabulary, and then use a word like pseudo which i would consider more “intellectual” than her words, even if the rest of your comment does not reflect this. this could (although im not necessarily saying it does) lead me to the conclusion that because of the disparity between your phrases / words (“wtf” compared with “pseudo”) you looked up the word in order to sound more intelligent when replying to someone who clearly has a good grasp of the english language, and therefore it is in fact you who is the “pseudo intellectual” here. 

  • http://2nihon.com 2nihon

    At least they’re thinking about it. Most people are too caught up in one side or the other to realize that both sides are pointless. Offense gets you mired in a blinding and pointless tar pit of anger and frustration that leaves nobody involves unscathed.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_G54GSRZNYTDCZYPPZDGK53HL6M PadThai

    Ironically, the biggest whiners are the ones who feel that they have the right to be offensive. Whenever anyone challenges their beliefs, instead of attempting to listen to why said person might be offended, they just blow it off and continue doing what they were doing before. The two situations mentioned have nothing to do with each other. One is an article by a woman who is insecure in being a geek, so she projects her insecurities onto other women who don’t do her precious subculture built around buying shit “real” enough for her liking. The other is just the NY Dept. of Education trying to cover their asses by not using words that they perceive could be offensive to some students or their parents. At the same time, I think it’s attempt to limit the cultural bias in exams given by the state. It does not say that you can’t use these words while teaching in the classroom. It’s much ado about nothing, but that’s to be expected from the PC Obsessives. They complain and complain about how their freedom to be ignorant or a jerk or a bigot is being curtailed and yet they don’t seem to understand that communication is a two-way street. Feel free to constantly let the verbal/written diarrhea you pass for being “politically incorrect” by reinforcing the hierarchies in society come out. At the same time, don’t be surprised when people call you out on it.  

  • meh

    I’m torn between relief and irritation that it was written by a teenager. Don’t they teach proofreading in school anymore?

  • http://twitter.com/SonofWoden Robert Beowulf

    The article makes a good point. I feel I have more insight though. The political correctness of today largely relates to ‘not offending minorities’, whether they are sexual, racial, ability or whatever else. Political correctness of course is a way of controlling speech to fit in with the establishment ideology, the most sacred part of that ideology being a belief in the equality of all humans.
    This ideology is inconsistent though, the article mentioned the current fear americans have of using the term ‘black’ to refer to Americans with black skin, and how the term for people of white skin, ‘white’ is bandied around without trouble. Therein lies the inconsistency, there are protected groups within this ideology of equality.
    These protected groups are actively encouraged by the media and some dubious characters to be offended by practically anything that can be interpreted as not being in line with this ideology. Whether it is a crude insult or simply suggesting that most people (even members of some of the protected groups) find homosexuality to be disgusting.
    The establishment dislikes any deviation from their ideology, you can be a gay black man and still piss them off by saying the wrong word. Total compliance is the least that is expected. In short ‘political correctness’ is the attack dog of an enemy we once thought defeated. When the Berlin wall fell, we thought Communism had died. In truth the ideology had adapted and ditched it’s blatant obsession with economic equality, man was too attached to his nation, to his people, to his family. While these attachments existed, Communism in it’s purest form could not spread. The Frankfurt School that emerged in 1920s Germany relocated with th rise of National Socialism to America. By the time of the fall of the Berlin wall, the seed had not only been planted, but was in full bloom.

  • Guest

    Wow, you guys seriously need to get your heads out of your asses and get a reality check. 

    Acting like an asshole is going to make most people offended. And most of the time, you don’t realize when you’re acting like an asshole (hence the need for others to tell you that). 

    Yes, it would be a wonderful utopian world where everyone would magically gain perfect and complete control over their feelings, but we live in the real world, and in the real world, people do get pissed off, and when some people get pissed off, they might tell you to stop acting like an asshole. When some people get pissed off, they skip the warning part and skip straight to the “knead and punch the asshole until a consistency of skittles is achieved” part – where the asshole is you. 

    There are many reasons to not be an asshole. The danger of death is simply one reason. Other reasons include:

    - People will avoid being around you because you are an asshole

    - People will stop being nice to you because you’re an asshole

    - People will ignore you because you’re being an asshole

    - They won’t want anything to do with you

    - They will tell everyone else what an asshole you are, joy of joys

    - Your reputation goes to shit – not that it matters to you, obviously, since assholes generally don’t care about their reputations. In the real world however, reputation does matter a great deal – this is something you will find out when you come out of puberty. 

    - People will start acting like an asshole to you. Vengeance is a bitch, ain’t it? 

  • Keevo

    No it doesn’t.

  • http://twitter.com/anivad42 anakin mcfly

    your shouting terrifies me, as does your blatant bogstandard sexism, racism and homophobia. (and ableism, which I usually leave out of these things because it’s harder to notice, but your overuse of ‘retarded’ and its synonyms make it hard.) like, yeah, those examples you gave are over the top, and I generally agree that there should be a limit to political correctness. but the rest of your post – not so. “stupid retarded lesbian african immigrant bitch”? seriously? that’s not even about being PC; it’s about being a decent person.

  • Kyle

    I would like to know this. Since everything is offensive if it hurts someone’s feelings why can’t we ban violent video games or TV shows filled with cussing and all sorts of words that would make a hardened sailor blush like a rose?

  • Kyle

    Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! You might offend a 16 year old who is actually smart. Oops you fail the political correctness test!

    Here comes the Racist Police a knocking on you’re door to get you a citation for being offensive.

  • Kyle

    I used to get offended easily but I am realizing it doesn’t do any good except waste energy and time………mainly mine.

  • Molly Elizabeth

    I enjoyed the last few lines . Try to do your best to not be an ass, but remember that it’s not up to you to decide what should or shouldn’t offend someone. This is an issue of subjective preferences, and cannot, therefore, be answered without exploring and validating both sides, which I personally think you accomplished. Thank you, I really needed some help in how to view a related personal problem!