comScore
Uncategorized Thursday, May 31st 2012 at 4:11 pm

Headcanon: The Horrifying Truth Behind Pixar’s Cars Universe

Cars and Cars 2 may not have been the most critically praised Pixar films, they have been enormously successful financially. They are, at heart, light films that appeal to the child’s eye for bright cartoon comedy. However, these apparently uplifting tales have a dark heart, and perhaps contain the secret future history of the world.

Several weeks ago, I used an amusing image from the Internet as the jumping-off point for a new reading of Captain Planet and The Magic Schoolbus. Today, I’d like to make good on my promise and explain the origins of the Cars universe. If you think about it, the world of Cars makes no sense. Why should cars, devices that are purposely built to ferry humans around, exist in a world without people? Why do cars need buildings and homes? How do cars reproduce, or grow up? Why are there passenger planes and no passengers?

The fundamental problem with the Cars universe is that it is clearly our world — in both design and history. To explain Cars, you first need an apocalypse, as humanity’s mark is still on the world but the humans are gone. Fortunately, an apocalypse is just waiting for use, conveniently located at the end of Wall-E. Here’s how I explain the world of Cars:

At the end of Wall-E, the humans have returned to Earth and are eager to embrace their responsibility as stewards of the planet and forsaking their comfortable pasts. We’re led to believe that everything works out, and a series of beautifully rendered paintings describe the new golden age of humanity.

This is a lie, an electronic hallucination shared by WallE and Eve as they sit beneath the world’s first new tree. The truth is that the returned humans quickly died out. Despite their enthusiasm, the humans lack the knowledge — let alone the muscle mass — to build an agrarian society. (Case in point, the film ends with the captain shouting that he’s going to grow a “pizza plant.”)

This leaves a spaceship full of robots and an empty planet on the brink of rebirth. They are alone on a lonely world. They were designed to serve, and their masters are all dead. On the brink of computerized madness, these already unhinged robots begin a desperate search for meaning, finding it in the human history stored on the ship’s computer.

Pouring over the data logs, the robots begin to fill their emptiness with reminders of human culture. Lacking advanced tools, the robots begin with early history, looking to make rough-hewn ersatz versions of the human world. Because the large, bulbous-bodied humans are the only beings they’ve ever known, the robots model their own likenesses after the vehicles the humans once drove — mistaking them for a more perfect version of Homo sapiens, as Ford Prefect did. The combination of Wall-E’s piecemeal utility and EVE’s slick technology along with a cargo-cult mentality is Lightning McQueen, and Mater.

Being purpose-built creations, the robots take well to their new forms. They begin to build companions and new bodies for themselves based on the vehicles that their former masters had created. Other robots, led by the mechanical perfectionist MOE, go into the wilds of the Earth, cleaning the remaining pollution and even carving monuments to their new car bodies into the very landscape.

The robots continue long after the demise/complete repurposing of the original settlers until they have unintentionally recreated all of human history without humanity. Their roots lost to the ravages of time, the Cars — the new denizens of Earth — now walk alone through a maddened monument to beings long forgotten.

Either that, or the Autobots bred with Herbie and outlived their human counterparts. Take your pick.

If you’re curious for more on the heady subject of the Cars universe, a very interesting reading of the film was published on the Cracked forums back in 2010.

Relevant to your interests

Filed Under |
  • http://Geekosystem.com Eric Limer

    *slow clap*

  • CNM

    This is hilarious. A kids movie about cars. Yes, there’s no people. But you REALLY, I mean HONESTLY believe this is a movie about post-apocolyptic times? Funny how most people who believe these crazy stories don’t believe in God. After all, He was the first to tell us of an apocolyptic event. Get off your geek freak and spend some time away from your electronics. Wierdos.

  • trolololol

    …..he says via keyboard (electronic device), connected to computer tower (electronic device), being viewed via monitor (electronic device), whilst being connected to the internet, which is facilitating the viewing of a website whose title is GEEKOSYSTEM, in response to a completely speculative article which simply brings up some interesting points that are meant to get you thinking and nothing else.

    Tell me, are you here because you like to troll or are you here because you like to troll?

    xoxoxoxox <3

  • Wanderingwolf91408

    You’re right! Those cars need to go to fucking church!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=593675787 Glenn Davey

    Don’t feed the brainwashed, delusional, naive, ignorant, uneducated, bible-bashing… acronymononomous… troll.

  • http://shermanabramslab.com/ hiv test nyc

    However, these apparently uplifting tales have a dark heart, and perhaps contain the secret future history of the world.

  • Anonymous

    meh.

  • http://www.ajay17.com/ AJay Hubbard

    Well done

  • Anonymous

    This is hilarious. A guy who takes this article more seriously than the author. 

    I hope you’re either 12, 60, or a troll. Those are the only three reasonable reasons your post exists. 

  • http://twitter.com/David_Lee_Evans David Lee Evans

    What? No Skynet involvement!

  • Greg

    OK…

    For one, the article is just a bit of light-hearted reading. Just something to amuse those who are bored and want to have a bit of a giggle.

    Secondly… I HATE PEOPLE LIKE YOU! Preaching about God and shutting down any possibility that there may be the slightest hint of a conspiricy going on in our world (not refering specifically to this article). How can you have blind faith in a religion that like so many hundreds more around the world claim to be derived from the one and only higher power, yet be so naive to suggest that a post-apocolyptic world inhabited entirely by machines is “crazy”???

    LISTEN TO YOURSELF!!!

    … That is all   = )

  • http://twitter.com/shockedandawed Shock & Awe

    Dear god. Ockham’s Razor makes it hard for me NOT to believe this. 

  • Simon

    The reality is far more disturbing- the Cars world still has people- somewhere… The farm in Radiator Springs grows wheat! Who are they feeding- HUMAN SLAVES that’s who. Overthrown and now kept in work camps to serve their vehicular overlords. Maybe the wheat’s for ethanol you say? HAH! The mini van on the road to California has a mattress strapped to its roof!! Why does a car need a mattress?! For its detailing slave, clearly. The signs are everywhere, especially if you have watched the movie 78 times in the past 6 months ( I have a three year old).