There Has Been a Monkey Theft, Which We Wish Was as Adorable as It Sounds

Call the monkey police! They'd ride in on mini motorcycles with their little monkey badges. Aww.

Recommended Videos

Fortunately, this monkey theft does not involve a monkey stealing from people, since that would be really hard to prosecute, because monkeys are the best. No, this involves the much more unusual act of a teenager actually stealing monkeys from someone. He stole parrots, too. This kid really has a thing for animals that can do people stuff.

According to classmates’ statements to police, the Port St. Lucie, Florida boy was trying to get back at an exotic bird breeder for an earlier incident. The man had called the cops on the boy and his friend about a month earlier, because he saw them outside of his home and thought they looked suspicious.

You know what’s a great way to prove that you weren’t being suspicious? Steal stuff. That’ll show `em how wrong they were about you. How could that possibly fail?

The boy made off with $11,000 dollars in monkeys and parrots (two Cotton-Top Tamarins and four African Grey parrots), which is definitely not a sentence you expect to ever read. He was arrested on felony charges of burglary and grand theft after an anonymous tip that he’d been bragging about the incident in school. Another genius move. How did this mastermind ever get caught?

Authorities have searched several areas near the boy’s home and are still hoping to find the animals alive and safe. We hope they’re OK, too.

We’re guessing the police probably didn’t even bother asking the boy, because there’s no way anyone could keep a straight face walking into an interrogation room and saying, “Where are you hiding the monkeys?”

(TCPalm via Evan McMurry, image via Dan4th Nicholas)

Meanwhile in related links


The Mary Sue is supported by our audience. When you purchase through links on our site, we may earn a small affiliate commission. Learn more
related content
Read Article Ncuti Gatwa, Icon, Has the Perfect Take on Racist ‘Doctor Who’ Fans
Ncuti Gatwa as the Fifteenth Doctor in the Doctor Who 2023 Christmas Special
Read Article Anne Hathaway Shares ‘Gross’ Audition Story From What Is Thankfully (Hopefully) ‘a Very Different Time’
A young Anne Hathaway in The Princess Diaries (2001)
Read Article When Did ILLIT Debut? Answered
K-pop girl group ILLIT
Read Article Let’s Send All the Billionaires to the Bottom of the Sea With These New Luxury Submarines
Migaloo's personal submersible yacht for billionaires.
Read Article Taylor Swift Is Turning Us All Into Tortured Poets With This Meme
Rocko's house in Rocko's Modern Life.
Related Content
Read Article Ncuti Gatwa, Icon, Has the Perfect Take on Racist ‘Doctor Who’ Fans
Ncuti Gatwa as the Fifteenth Doctor in the Doctor Who 2023 Christmas Special
Read Article Anne Hathaway Shares ‘Gross’ Audition Story From What Is Thankfully (Hopefully) ‘a Very Different Time’
A young Anne Hathaway in The Princess Diaries (2001)
Read Article When Did ILLIT Debut? Answered
K-pop girl group ILLIT
Read Article Let’s Send All the Billionaires to the Bottom of the Sea With These New Luxury Submarines
Migaloo's personal submersible yacht for billionaires.
Read Article Taylor Swift Is Turning Us All Into Tortured Poets With This Meme
Rocko's house in Rocko's Modern Life.
Author
Dan Van Winkle
Dan Van Winkle (he) is an editor and manager who has been working in digital media since 2013, first at now-defunct <em>Geekosystem</em> (RIP), and then at <em>The Mary Sue</em> starting in 2014, specializing in gaming, science, and technology. Outside of his professional experience, he has been active in video game modding and development as a hobby for many years. He lives in North Carolina with Lisa Brown (his wife) and Liz Lemon (their dog), both of whom are the best, and you will regret challenging him at <em>Smash Bros.</em>