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Uncategorized Tuesday, January 3rd 2012 at 4:35 pm

Man Claims to Have Found Dead Mouse in Mountain Dew, Pepsi Argues Mouse Would Have Dissolved

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An Illinois man named Ronald Ball may have had one of the most uniquely bizarre and disgusting experiences one can ever have the misfortune to live through. Ronald Ball cracked open a can of Mountain Dew, took a long sip to quench his thirst, tasted something a little bit horrifying, spit out the soda and discovered a dead mouse. Yes. There was a dead mouse in his soda. At least, that’s what he says. He sent in the specimen to Pepsi Co. who he claims destroyed the carcass, and have now provided an insanely horrifying defense.

Pepsi Co.’s argument seems to be that there is no way that Ronald Ball could have found a dead mouse in his Mountain Dew because if a mouse did get into his Mountain Dew during production — the only time it would have a chance to do so — it would have been liquified by the time the soda got to Ball’s mouth. It would have been a “jelly-like substance” according to Pepsi Co.’s experts. Yes, that’s right, Pepsi Co.’s argument here is essentially “He can’t have found a mouse corpse in there because if there was one in there, it would have decayed beyond recognition as a mouse corpse before he could notice.”

Okay, so that’s pretty gross, but when you think about it, it might be a pretty reasonable defense. They aren’t saying the mouse would have been undetectable or anything, but they are tacitly admitting that Mountain Dew probably isn’t very good for your teeth. Gross as that is, it’s better to have to admit that your product is unhealthy and potentially caustic — something which we all know, really — rather than that it contained a dead animal, vermin no less.

The matter hasn’t been settled yet, but the next step should be coming soon. Ball found the mouse and filed suit way back in 2009, but on January 11th, Pepsi Co. will have to plead or prepare to go to trial, having delayed the legal action as long as possible. It’ll be interesting to see which unappealing option they chose. There isn’t much that isn’t disgusting about this case, but I think I speak for us all when I say that the worst thing, the very worst thing about all this is that I sort of want a Mountain Dew right now.

And because it didn’t fit anywhere else: “More like Mountain Ew.”

(The Madison County Record via Yahoo! News via Neatorama)

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  • Keep on

    This is hilarious.

  • Keep on

    This is hilarious.

  • Sneed

    Hm, I’m not a serial killer or anything, but don’t you think one could put the bodies of his dead victim into Mountain Dew for a long period of time, and maybe open a cute little bakery where the jelly filling is actually Human remains loaded with natural preservatives and Splenda?

    Also, could you just think about how many dead things might of ended up in our Mountain Dew cans? We wouldn’t even know.

  • Anonymous

    “I’m not a serial killer or anything” is precisely what a serial killer would say!

  • Arkansasdutchman

    Having worked for a soft drink bottler I can honestly say this is a miracle! First, all cans are new, they are placed on the line upside down so anything in them would fall out, second, they are also vacuumed out and sprayed and cleaned with a sanitizing solution while they are still upside down. Then they enter a bottling room which is cleaned like any place where food is prepared.  After filling they are immediately sealed. Traveling at  18 cans per second, it would take a fast mouse indeed to commit sucide by drowning in a flying soda can.
    I’ll be the real storey is sugar mold.  It is a grey fuzzy gooey mass that may look like mouse skin to some.  It is harmless.  It can grow in a soda that is very old (yep like any food, they have a shelf life) or one that has been punctured letting in the outside air.
    So if it is really a mouse body, it had to grow in that can and therefore is a miracle. This also means that the green fuzz in the bowl you found in the back of your refrigerator is probably astro turf. Get real.

  • http://Geekosystem.com Eric Limer

    As a guy who will be drinking some very old Jones Thanksgiving soda in the near future. I am now slightly more worried it’s gonna be gross.

  • Anonymous

    I fail to see how it’s “horrifying” that soda can dissolve a mouse over time. Do people not realize that our own stomach acid is HCL which is MUCH stronger than citric acid is? There is no possible way that soda could “rot your insides” because your insides are used to stomach acid already! The main issue would be it touching your teeth, but any acidic food, including citrus fruits, can cause enamel damage if you eat it enough.

  • Rosencrantz

    Would this be a tale of Sneedy Todd?

  • http://www.facebook.com/zach.fortier Zach Fortier

    I don’t see Dexter Morgan saying: “I’m not a serial killer or anything…” but I would’ve killed him in this fashion when he goes to a crime scene.  I thought this exact same thing in that I thought you needed highly corrosive acid to dissolve a body.  Not a weak acid like acetic acid, which I think is what’s in pop “grabs can” damn it’s citric acid.  Oh well.  I spose a body will degrade if it’s not in a perservative… eventually.

  • http://www.hitgrove.net/ Hitgrove

    hahahaha… ohh… god… i m laughing since 15 mins..

  • Zenagia

    Watch Sweeny Todd

  • Nikki

    I had the exact same idea when I read this article. (I am also not a serial killer) I remember when I was 7 we did an experiment in class where we put a students tooth in a jar of coca cola and watched in decay over a period of time….I thought it was pretty cool and thought to myself ” huh…I wonder what would happen if we got a giant jar and put a student in there….” As I said…I’m not a serial killer…although sometimes I’m not so sure…

    Also your idea sounds like a modern version of Mrs Lovett’s “meat pies”…could work…especially if the zombie apocalypse comes to be… 

  • Anonymous

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  • Jamie R Fisk

    Secret’s in the sauce? Soilent green is people? meh. . . w/e

  • josh w

    Wait…is that you, Bill?

  • Janie

    “Would’ve”, NOT “would of”!!!!!! “Would’ve” is the contraction for “would have”! Get it?!

  • Binamissy

    ummmm…….ok. i cant ever drink mt. dew again.

  • http://twitter.com/astuartgirl Jennifer Campbell

    Why not just make jello shots for all your friends?

  • JamesJ

    I don’t even want to think about all of the possible dead things I may have possibly consumed unknowingly.

  • Brucemcdonough

      umm….its fairly common knowledge that you can dissolve a dead body in bathtub filled with coca-cola or other common acids.  i’ve heard it takes about 3 days before you can get it all to go down the drain with a plunger.  kkkkk  not sure about the teeth though, i think the teeth are the toughest part, so we probably dont have to worry that much about those.

    tooth decay is more the result of leaving gunk on the teeth for any length of time, which allows bacteria to grow that dissolve them, and possibly act as a sponge holding acids from whatever next to the teeth long enough to cause decay.