10 Greatest Professional Thieves

What's This?

In honor of Inception, a movie about dudes (and a girl) who steal intellectual property from the very dreams of their victims, we present this Power Grid of the 10 Greatest Professional Thieves. That is, not occasional thieves. No, these people have thief written on their business cards. That's in your wallet. Which you don't have anymore.

Because they stole it.

Bilbo Baggins

Bilbo Baggins, Ring Bearer, began his career humbly by answering *ahem* a travelling group of dwarves' request for a thief to round out their party. Perhaps the most reluctant adventurer... Read on...

Carmen Sandiego

Carmen Isabella Sandiego is such a great thief, she stole all records of her ever having a middle name from popular culture. But Wikipedia is thief-proof. While she is billed as a general master... Read on...

Prometheus

Prometheus, humanity's first divine friend and the original theif, according to Greek mythology. He stole fire from the hearth of Mount Olympus, for the cold, huddled human race. For... Read on...

Robin Hood

Robin Hood is one of the most famous figures in English folklore, and like any figure of folklore, he is shrouded in mystery and his depictions are mostly glorified with popular convention. So... Read on...

Catwoman

Selina Kyle was inspired by the Batman, not to devote her life to fighting crime in a costume, but to stealing anything that struck her fancy in a costume. She started out stealing mostly... Read on...

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The Unintentional Hilarity of Twitter Spam Bots

Back Alley Internet is a recurring column in which we explore some of the weirder corners of the Internet and see what we can drudge up for your amusement and education. This week: We study the legions of Twitter bots that trawl the trending topics and spit out some unintentionally hilarious tweets.

Tweetosystem

Eric Limer You have to tew two tutus?! I have to tew two tutus too!
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Max The Pizza and Pasta Foundation supports the federal SAUCE act. Ask your congressman to put some SAUCE on it!
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Eric Limer I like how if you make a mistake typing a popular URL, invariably the site you find is all "YOU'RE WINNER!" It's uplifting for a second.
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Max Spam for work involves a false teeth supplier and someone looking to buy magnetic plates.
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Eric Limer So that improv show was definitely a good idea. Ben Schwartz, Zach Woods, Justin Long, AND Adam Scott. #EverythingWentBetterThanExpected
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Max Got a lot crossed off my to-do list tonight, and I'm starting to feel significantly less freaked about about, well, life.
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Eric Limer I need trephination like I need a hole in the head.
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Max AIM CHAT: I like you, too. *belushis*
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Eric Limer Listening to Call Me Maybe and cropping screengrabs of Twitter bots. It's times like this that I really love my job.
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James Plafke Popular rapper Ladies Love Removed Eyes.
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Eric Limer I am genuinely enjoying using So.cl to make weird picture mash-ups. I just made a collage of becks. http://t.co/ulGbDbwn
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Eric Limer This Facebook IPO coverage needs to stop cuz I'm seriously sick of seeing Zuckerberg staring creepily at me from the top of every story.
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Max Put on your poodle skirts and choose your favorite syrup because we're gonna have a sock-hop at the iHop.
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James Plafke I just threatened my mom to email me something by telling her I'd discuss with her all the lady celebrities I'd have sex with.
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Max New Hallmark Card: "I held an extended conversation with you without being able to remember your name" Inside: "I'm sorry."
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Eric Limer To any of you bros who might like to ice me, I encourage you to act on that urge, bro.
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Eric Limer If anyone is looking for some totally garbled, nigh-incomprehensible ad copy, I'm your man.
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Eric Limer What? None of my Facebook friends are on So.cl? How can this be?!
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Eric Limer "Does this mustache look creepy? Experts are blind; can't tell."
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Rollin Bishop Lin Beifong is suddenly one of the best things about Legend of Korra.
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