Captain Marvel is, as notable comic creators have pointed out, not merely the alter-ego of an orphaned child named Billy Batson. He is, in fact, an entity thousands of years old, a dream, a hope, a genie, a djinn. By shouting the word "shazam," Billy does not transform into Captain Marvel, he is replaced by him. The Captain's powers are contained in that word: the wisdom of Solomon, the strength of Hercules, the stamina of Atlas, the power of Zeus, the courage of Achilles, and the speed of Mercury; but one of his favorite battle tactics is to strike is foes with the bolts of lightning that occur when he transforms, trading a moment of powerlessness for two great blows to his opponent. He also likes hotdogs.
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Captain Marvel
Age
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3,000
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43,579
#8
The Unintentional Hilarity of Twitter Spam Bots
Back Alley Internet is a recurring column in which we explore some of the weirder corners of the Internet and see what we can drudge up for your amusement and education. This week: We study the legions of Twitter bots that trawl the trending topics and spit out some unintentionally hilarious tweets.
Tweetosystem
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Eric Limer
You have to tew two tutus?! I have to tew two tutus too!
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Max
The Pizza and Pasta Foundation supports the federal SAUCE act. Ask your congressman to put some SAUCE on it!
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Eric Limer
I like how if you make a mistake typing a popular URL, invariably the site you find is all "YOU'RE WINNER!" It's uplifting for a second.
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Max
Spam for work involves a false teeth supplier and someone looking to buy magnetic plates.
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Eric Limer
So that improv show was definitely a good idea. Ben Schwartz, Zach Woods, Justin Long, AND Adam Scott. #EverythingWentBetterThanExpected
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Max
Got a lot crossed off my to-do list tonight, and I'm starting to feel significantly less freaked about about, well, life.
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Eric Limer
I need trephination like I need a hole in the head.
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Max
AIM CHAT: I like you, too. *belushis*
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Eric Limer
Listening to Call Me Maybe and cropping screengrabs of Twitter bots. It's times like this that I really love my job.
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James Plafke
Popular rapper Ladies Love Removed Eyes.
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Eric Limer
I am genuinely enjoying using So.cl to make weird picture mash-ups. I just made a collage of becks. http://t.co/ulGbDbwn
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Eric Limer
This Facebook IPO coverage needs to stop cuz I'm seriously sick of seeing Zuckerberg staring creepily at me from the top of every story.
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Max
Put on your poodle skirts and choose your favorite syrup because we're gonna have a sock-hop at the iHop.
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James Plafke
I just threatened my mom to email me something by telling her I'd discuss with her all the lady celebrities I'd have sex with.
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Max
New Hallmark Card: "I held an extended conversation with you without being able to remember your name" Inside: "I'm sorry."
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Eric Limer
To any of you bros who might like to ice me, I encourage you to act on that urge, bro.
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Eric Limer
If anyone is looking for some totally garbled, nigh-incomprehensible ad copy, I'm your man.
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Eric Limer
What? None of my Facebook friends are on So.cl? How can this be?!
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Eric Limer
"Does this mustache look creepy? Experts are blind; can't tell."
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Rollin Bishop
Lin Beifong is suddenly one of the best things about Legend of Korra.
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