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apocalypse

  1. Uncategorized

    Grumpy Cat Goes Nyan, Destroys Earth, Everything You Ever Loved

    Well, 12/21 passed without incident and, much to everyone's shock, the world didn't come to a fiery end, proving once again that you just can't trust an ancient Mesoamerican culture. In fact, the Inca still owe me $20 after skipping out on a bar tab, and they better not think I've forgotten about it. Today, though, we bring you a glimpse of the apocalypse that could have been, courtesy of of a Nyan-powered Tard the Grumpy Cat. You can behold this truly fearsome thing below, but be forewarned: it is not a video for the faint-hearted or weak-willed.

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  2. Uncategorized

    Celebrate the Apocalypse That Wasn’t With This End of the World Movie Supercut [Video]

    Congratulations, human race, we've survived yet another prophesied doomsday scenario and can continue on with our lives without the fear of fire raining down from the sky. There's only one way we know how to celebrate such a momentous occasion right: Crack open a can of green beans from the emergency rations stockpile, kick back, and watch a whole bunch of end of the world movies with the smug satisfaction that only comes from making an entire segment of the world's population look like a bunch of raving crackpots. For the sake of time, YouTube user Critica Daquele Filme has strung together some of the best scenes from these films in one bombastic supercut package, showcasing what could have been, but thankfully wasn't.

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  3. Uncategorized

    7 Comic Book Characters You Would Not Want to See on 12/21/12

    Well, boys and girls, it looks like the time has finally come: Today's the day mankind bids farewell to its existence and says a hearty hello to the feathered serpent god, Kukulkan, as he finally returns to our earthly plane. Even as we stare into the face of our imminent destruction, be thankful that we don't live in the fictitious realms of comic books. Why? Because if we did, every single day would feel like the apocalypse, what with so many intergalactic warlords, omnipotent entities, and cataclysms from the depths of space and beyond laying waste to Earth. If beings like that were tearing things up right here, right now, 12/21/12 truly would be a day to remember. On that note, here's seven comic book characters you wouldn't want to see on December 21st -- though your efforts to hide would prove futile!

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  4. Uncategorized

    9 Things That Actually Will End on 12/21/12

    As a man of science, I know there's nothing to be afraid of on 12/21/12 besides the things I'm usually afraid of, like robots. The world isn't going to end just because the Maya Long Count Calendar is starting over, and I know that. That doesn't mean that there's nothing that ends tomorrow. Countless things end every single day, and tomorrow is no different. As such, we've put together a handy list of nine things that will actually end on the dreaded 12/21/12.

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  5. Uncategorized

    Apocalypse No: The World Will End When Only The Russian Government Allows It To

    With the purported 2012 Apocalypse only a mere 18 days away, many folks are more on edge than ever. Russia in particular has its hands full trying to calm the public's anxieties over the Mayan feathered serpent god Kukulkan's return. Facing widespread panic and erratic behavior among the populace, Moscow's Ministry of Emergency Situations has come forward and declared that, no, there will not be a world-ending cataclysm come December 21st. Leaving us to ask, fine, but says who?

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  6. Uncategorized

    The Reason Why Neil deGrasse Tyson Has Apocalypse Milk

    On Sunday morning, Neil deGrasse Tyson tweeted a picture of his milk carton which is set to expire on December 21, 2012. That's the same date that the Mayan calendar supposedly predicts the end of the world, but it's also over a month away. That's some strange, and long-lasting, milk.

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  7. Uncategorized

    Hunker Down: The Best Apocalypse Shelters In All Of Geekdom

    As windows are boarded up and down the eastern seaboard, we're taking shelter, too. A triple batch of mac and cheese is on the stove, the bathtub is full of water, and we're playing with the idea of one more run to the store for ALL OF THE CANNED TUNA!!! As we prepare for the fall of Western civilization as we know it, please join us in recalling some of our favorite shelters for waiting out the end of days.

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  8. Uncategorized

    Modern Mayans Protest Planned Guatemalan Doomsday Festival

    Are people stilling buying into the whole 2012 Mayan Doomsday thing, you may ask yourself? The answer, we can report from a well of near-infinite sadness, is yes, because many people are stupid. Now, an alliance of Mayans in Guatemala is demanding that the government's tourism agency halt a planned celebration of the end of days on December 21st, saying that the festival twists and bastardizes the beliefs of a community in a shameless grab for tourism dollars. No word yet on how the tourism agency has responded, though we assume it will be something along the lines of  "Um, yeah -- that's what tourism agencies do." Which, in all honesty? Pretty fair.

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  9. Uncategorized

    Man Spends Over $350,000 Preparing for End of World

    46-year-old Robert Bast of Melbourne, Australia is a seemingly normal guy. He works in Internet marketing dor his day job, has a wife and three children, and runs website Survive2012.com as a hobby when he's off work. That website, though? It's about how the world is going to end in 2012, when the Mayan calendar predicted. Also, Bast has spent over $350,000 on preparing for the end of the world. You know, like you do.

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  10. Uncategorized

    NASA Scientist Calmly Debunks a Slew of 2012 Apocalypse Theories [Video]

    There are few things that NASA dislikes more than bunk science, and the space agency seems to have taken a particular dislike to unfounded claims that 2012 is the last year of existence. Addressing these apocalyptic "theories" is Jet Propulsion Lab senior research scientist Don Yeomans, who patiently refutes the Mayan calendar, pole shifts, planet X, and planetary alignments as end of the world scenarios. Trust him, he's a scientist.

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  11. Uncategorized

    Duke Nukem Forever Has Release Date; End of Times Upon Us

    The day of reckoning is upon us, friends. Pilots should be wary of airborne swine; those working in the deepest parts of the Earth may notice a chill. Now would be a good time to put money on the Detroit Lions; all those mass animal die-offs should have told us something. Duke Nukem Forever has an official release date. GameInformer is reporting that May 3rd, 2011 is the magical day (May 6 if you live outside the U.S.) when Duke strolls out of the annals of video game history and reclaims his throne. The date has been confirmed by both Randy Pitchford, Gearbox Software president, and Christoph Hartmann, at 2k. Up until this point Duke Nukem Forever has been famous as one of the greatest pieces of vaporware in history, having been in "development" since 1997. But after its appearance at PAX this past September, and a confirmed release date, that may very well change. There's even a trailer. Now, some may see this as a mistake. By never releasing the game, it would be legendary. With its release, it will have to face the scrutiny of an audience that has changed a lot in the past 12-odd years. We'll see if its up to the challenge and if, like a fine wine, Duke Nukem has become finely distilled awesome or a pathetic cash-in. A somewhat NSFW trailer is after the cut.

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  12. Uncategorized

    For $800, Costco Will Sell You a Year’s Worth of Food

    Extremely cheap people and post-apocalyptic crusaders against zombies have a common friend in Costco: On their website, the wholesaler is selling Thrive, which consists of a year's supply of dehydrated and freeze-dried food, all served up in gallon-sized cans. The price tag: $800. (If you buy it after October 10th, it jumps up to $1000.) That's 5,011 servings of food, most of which have a shelf life of up to 25 years. Here's what you get:

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  13. Uncategorized

    End-of-Days Timeshares Make for a Booming Underground Shelter Industry

    USA Today is reportingthat Cold War era paranoia is alive and well in today’s society (albeit modified to accommodate the more ambiguous range of threats we face today) in the form of a booming underground bunker industry. But these aren’t your average hole-in-the-desert bunkers, mind you. These are bona fide luxury comfort subterranean shelters. No joke!

    Meet the Vivos network, “a nationwide group of 20 fortified, underground shelters” that you can buy into for the small price of $50,000 per person ($25,000 for each of the kids). According to USA Today, the network offers “partial ownership similar to a timeshare” in luxury styled underground bunkers (artistic rendering above). Amenities include a hospital, dental clinic, move theater, and (judging from schematics available on their website) a bank of desktop computers. Great, I’m glad to know I can check Facebook while I’m waiting out the apocalypse.

    >>>Check out the TV report on this thing that actually exists at Mediaite.

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  14. Uncategorized

    Ol’ Professor Frank Fenner Heralds the End of Humanity

    Don't panic, but in 100 years we're all going to die. Renowned Australian scientist and professor Frank Fenner, who helped eliminate smallpox, one of humanity's greatest historical foes, thinks the end is nigh for the human race. Fenner spoke with The Australian, and his message was about as grim as can be without him donning a cloak and wielding a scythe (which we actually can't confirm he wasn't doing):

    "We're going to become extinct," the eminent scientist says. "Whatever we do now is too late." "Homo sapiens will become extinct, perhaps within 100 years," he says. "A lot of other animals will, too. It's an irreversible situation. I think it's too late. I try not to express that because people are trying to do something, but they keep putting it off. "Mitigation would slow things down a bit, but there are too many people here already."
    Great news from down under.

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  15. Uncategorized

    Yahoo And Zynga Make A Deal, or Farmville’s World Domination

    Not only has Zynga recently repaired ties with Facebook, but now it's quickly accelerating its mission to conquer the world. Today, Zynga has announced a partnership with Yahoo. That's right. In the coming months everyone's favorite Zynga games, including the dark behemoth that is Farmville, will inundate the Yahoo network. TechCrunch estimates that Yahoo has about 600 million users. That means that almost ten percent of the global population will have to see when their friends adopt a cow or whatever the hell you do in that game. Specifics aren't in yet, so there's no telling whether Zynga will make the Yahoo home page, but Yahoo is confirming that games and updates will be available through Yahoo Games, Yahoo Mail, and Yahoo Messenger. The gaming will begin in the U.S. before making its way to an international, unsuspecting audience.

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