geekosystem

It's common knowledge that a goatee, especially a sharp triangular goatee, is indicative of an inherently evil nature (at least in fiction). The question is why. Does it have something to do with facial hair? Is it just a convenient fictional device that's been absorbed by culture at large? Something altogether different? It's still not completely clear, but a study conducted by Dr. Derrick Watson and Dr. Elisabeth Blagrove of the University of Warwick has managed to prove one connection; people react the same way to an upside down triangle as they do to an angry face.

In this series of clips, a religious program breaks down why just about every single piece of popular '90s media is dangerous for the moral well-being of children. MC Hammer, Vanilla Ice, Dungeons & Dragons, Goofy, rock and roll fruit snacks, The Simpsons; no one escapes unscathed. Their primary target is that bastion of satanic influence: The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Granted, the sheer bulk of marketing involved with any of these people and properties is a bit disgusting, but they are far from dangerous. And why pick on Splinter because he's a rat? I like rats!

I hate the Shrek movies. I just hate them. In what, at times, seems like a golden age of children's entertainment (see: every Pixar movie that doesn't include Larry the Cable Guy), they're a sharp reminder of just how lazy the genre can be. They have nothing to say, their only purpose is to steal money from indiscriminating parents, they're marketed based on the actors in them instead of a the characters and story (this is even worse for the rest of the Dreamworks Animation bilge), and, worst of all, they feign "sophistication" by filling the movie with dated and inappropriate pop culture references that are meant to keep the poor adults in the audience from committing mass suicide and traumatizing their children even further. I've said it many times; the Shrek movies are poisoning our youth. Now though, it seems they're poisoning kids literally.