1. Weird

    Forever 21 Store in Florida Robbed by a Werewolf

    Late last Saturday a Forever 21 in Orlando was robbed by a werewolf (or possibly a regular human wearing a mask). Luckily for the inherent comedic possibilities of this story, no customers, employees, or backless sundresses were harmed.

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  2. Weird

    Tampa Police Say: Don’t Report Undercooked Waffles To 911

    A Florida woman dialed 911 to report being served "raw waffles," and the tape of the surreal call is now being used by Tampa Police as a lesson on when to use emergency services. Warning: although not as depressing as most 911 tapes, it'll probably make you crave some brinner.

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  3. Weird

    Man Gets Hideous Spider Tattoo On His Face To Overcome His Arachnophobia

    Like many of us--myself included--Eric Rico Ortiz is scared of spiders. Luckily, the 24 year old from Florida (shocker) devised an innovative way to force himself to overcome the common phobia: by getting a massive black widow tattooed on his right cheek.

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  4. Weird

    Teachers in Florida Legally Allowed to Be Drunk at Work

    If you want a job with a summer vacation but don't have any actual interest in children's well fare, good news! In Florida, teachers aren't legally prohibited from getting drunk on the job. Good luck, future generations of the Sunshine State, you never had a chance.

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  5. Entertainment

    Florida Town Names Vanilla Ice Citizen Of The Year

    On February 26th Wellington, Florida will name Rob Van Winkle, AKA rapper turned real estate mogul and Kraft enthusiast Vanilla Ice, with an Outstanding Citizen of The Year Award for his "spirit of giving and dedication." Ice is, indeed, working it.

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  6. Weird

    Reserve Now If You Want To Dine At A Florida Mcdonald’s Tonight

    If you're sick of the demanding consumerism that comes with celebrating the people you love today, Ernesto Izquierdo works at a Mcdonald's in Tampa and totally gets it. Thankfully she got her restaurant to take reservations tonight, so we can all celebrate love on the cheap. Yes, it's the most Florida thing ever--but isn't it also kind of sweet?

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  7. Weird

    Miami Is Full Of Foot-Long Giant African Land Snails

    As any Will Smith fan knows, Miami has a lot to offer: It's got half-dressed ladies, the hottest night clubs, and, apparently, a rapidly growing population of hermaphroditic foot-long bully snails. They're called Giant African Land Snails, and when you see them, run the other way.

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  8. Weird

    There Has Been a Monkey Theft, Which We Wish Was as Adorable as It Sounds

    Fortunately, this monkey theft does not involve a monkey stealing from people, since that would be really hard to prosecute, because monkeys are the best. No, this involves the much more unusual act of a teenager actually stealing monkeys from someone. He also stole parrots, too. This kid really has a thing for animals that can do people stuff.

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  9. Tech

    Possible Computer Glitch Causes All Doors in Florida Prison to Open

    Say what you want about the Florida justice and penal systems, but... well, yeah, say what you want, because they're both awful. Especially at the Turner Guilford Knight Correctional Center in Miami, where all the cell doors opened for no reason. In other news, this absolutely happened in a Dave Barry novel once. I'm pretty sure it was Big Trouble.

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  10. Tech

    Whoops! Florida May Have Accidentally Banned All Computers And Smartphones

    Well, this is embarrassing. A new bill passed by the Florida legislature and signed into law by Governor Rick Scott may have the unintentional consequence of outlawing all computers and smartphones throughout the state. While it seems like this could just be a hassle for folks in Florida, it's actually a national tragedy -- after all, with Florida gone from the Internet, how are the rest of us supposed to laugh at the cockroach-eating, firefighter-assaulting antics of the Sunshine State? We'll have to find a whole new state we can all agree to make fun of! Actually, that shouldn't be too hard. Lace up your cleats, Oregon -- you're going in!

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  11. Science

    One in Three Designated Drivers Apparently Don’t Understand What Designated Drivers Are

    In a study conducted by the University of Floridaa whopping 35 percent of designated drivers were found to have some amount of alcohol in their systems, and most of those had imbibed enough to impair their driving.  Remember, though, this was done in Florida, so maybe take the study with a grain of salt, followed by a shot of Cuervo and squirt of lime juice. It is my understanding that many Florida residents operate at a base level of intoxication for much of the time so that they can survive living in the state in the first place. Maybe their designated drivers are all able to adapt to high blood alcohol levels easier than mere mortals like us? Yeah, probably not.

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  12. Weird

    Florida Man Brings, Forgets Loaded Gun on Disney World Dinosaur Ride

    Folks, can we all agree that there are places you probably shouldn't bring a loaded gun, and that the list of those places has "Disney World" near the top of it? We can't? Oh. Well, I shouldn't be surprised. After all, just this weekend Floridian Angelo Lista brought his .380 Cobra on the Dinosaur ride at the theme park's Animal Kingdom attraction, only to have the firearm fall out of his pocket during the bumpy trip. Luckily, the gun -- loaded with five hollow point rounds -- was found by a grandmother who turned it in to park officials.

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  13. Entertainment

    Mad Men Writers Reportedly Pitching New Show About NASA in the 60s

    The Golden Age of space exploration could get a lot sexier if the minds behind Mad Men have anything to say about it. Reports surfaced this week that writers from the acclaimed AMC drama are scouting locations along Florida's Space Coast for a show centered around NASA during the 1960s, the glory days of the Apollo program.

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  14. Weird

    Florida Mayoral Candidate Plagued by Voodoo Curse, Because Florida

    I grew up near Chicago, and thus have an abiding respect for dirty, low-down, mudslinging politics. Every once in a while, though, the rest of the world proves that they can still teach the City of Broad Shoulders a thing or two about really ugly politics This week, it's Florida, where North Miami mayoral candidate Anna Pierre thinks that one of her opponents -- or their supporters -- is using voodoo rituals to try and sink her campaign.

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  15. Weird

    DJs Suspended Indefinitely Over Chemistry Joke Florida Didn’t Understand

    We probably don't have to tell Geekosystem readers this, but water is made up of two hydrogen atoms and one oxygen atom. It can be written as H2O, or as dihydrogen monoxide which means literally "Two hydrogen one oxygen." When two Florida radio DJs announced that dihydrogen monoxide was coming out of their faucets, the Fort Myers area went bananas. The DJs have been suspended indefinitely and could face felony charges.

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