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Okay, let's all just take a moment to catch our breath. You're probably reading this thinking, "Is this a joke? Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?" Well, it's no joke, people. Nintendo's officially announced that they're releasing a sequel to The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past, one of the most beloved video games of all time. It's kind of a big deal.

Futilely wishing that this development won't be used as more justification for the misinformed anti-video game agendas of parent groups and law makers worldwide, children in Britain were met with the most unexpected of search results when scouring Google for anything related to the next installment in the Pokémon game franchise, Pokémon X: Links to a hardcore pornography website. Parents across the country no doubt spat out gallons of tea in shocked reaction to their children seeing what cannot be unseen, with many reaffirming that the Internet still has a way to go in regards to blocking minors from inadvertently stumbling upon unwholesome content.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is not a drill: A new set of Pokémon titles have been announced. Nintendo's officially pulled back the veil on Pokémon X and Pokémon Y for the Nintendo 3DS. That's not the unexpected part, though. What is somewhat unexpected is the fact that both games will be launching worldwide in October 2013. The same month it launches in Japan, it'll launch in North America.

The newest teaser trailer for Adventure Time: Hey Ice King! Why'd you steal our garbage?! showcases that the game will be cribbing heavily from its forerunners. With side-scrolling straight out of Mega Man and what looks like a Legend of Zelda-inspired overworld, the Nintendo 3DS game is liable to sate the desire of many folks who've been waiting for a new game in the old style. And, of course, those who just can't get enough Adventure Time will love it regardless.

Of the variety of things one might find to complain about in regards to the Nintendo 3DS, the sound doesn't immediately come to mind. It's not great sound, mind, but there are a litany of things that are more obvious. Thanks to one intrepid inventor, however, you are now just a series of tubes, clips and metal funnels away from awesome sound.

As someone who recently and happily received a brand new Cobalt Black Nintendo 3DS for his birthday along with Kid Icarus: Uprising, coupled with my longstanding frustration with Nintendo, seeing Kid Icarus creator Masahiro Sakurai come out and defend the game's awful, awful control scheme couldn't be more frustrating. I've been wanting to write about my experience with the controls for a while, and seeing Sakurai defend what is one of the worst control schemes of all time certainly provides a good opening.

The Nintendo 3DS isn't as portable as one would think a portal gaming machine would be. Sure, you can physically move it around when playing it, and you can easily bring it somewhere without detaching it from your entertainment center and stuffing it into a big duffel bag like you'd have to do with a console, but if you want to actually use the 3D feature -- the whole point of the handheld -- you can't actually move the unit or your head around, or else the screen will be rendered visually indecipherable. Now, with the Japanese release of Kid Icarus: Uprising, the Nintendo 3DS will make use of a stand. That's right, a thing you plop down on a table, then attach the 3DS to while, amusingly for people who don't actually have to use it, actually holding the unit anyway.

Remember that ridiculous Slide Pad thing Nintendo is releasing for its maligned 3DS handheld? Well, some enterprising soul managed to snag one of the devices early in Japan, where the peripheral went on sale yesterday, and made a startling discovery. Apparently the manual for the device claims that although the Slide Pad runs on a separate AAA battery, it will last some 480 hours before needing to be replaced.

Considering the 3DS was not quite as revolutionary as hoped, and its launch has been considered subpar by Nintendo itself, it's not entirely surprising that Nintendo is now projecting its first ever annual loss at the end of fiscal 2011 after continuously posting gains since 1981. Nintendo now estimates that it'll be down $264 million by March 2012. It's not entirely the fault of the 3DS, however. There are a couple of other factors that Nintendo suggests may have contributed. The yen appreciated more than was expected this year, something that doesn't bode particularly well for a company that isn't reaping in profits. Also, In addition to less-than-stunning 3DS sales, sales of Wii software dropped off more than expected as well, largely due to a lack of major title launches.

A couple of weeks ago, we reported that there were rumors flying around that Nintendo was prepping the flailing Nintendo 3DS for a radical overhaul in which the company planned to tone down the focus on the machine's titular 3D capabilities. Along with that almost nonsensical rumor, word got out that Nintendo was planning a secondary circle pad attachment for the 3DS, a rumor almost as ludicrous as toning down the 3D capabilities of a machine that has the sole purpose of displaying in 3D. Where would the secondary circle pad even go? The current placement of buttons on the face of the device would surely make a secondary circle pad attachment exist in an odd location, cramping hands across the world, so that can't be a thing, right? Turns out it's a thing. A confirmed thing.

Outed by venerable Japanese gaming magazine Famitsu, the Nintendo "Slide Pad" isn't some tiny attachment that unobtrusively sticks into the right side of the device, but something akin to one of those extra battery peripheral grip attachments, extending the entire size of the device. As one can see from the above picture, the Slide Pad also seems to be placed in an awkward area, directly to the right of the face buttons, though it probably would not have been any better to have the Slide Pad extend over the side of the device and plant itself in the space between the face buttons and the power button, since it would be raised higher than the rest of the buttons on the unit. Along with the secondary circle pad, the attachment brings along two extra shoulder buttons.

The original Metroid's password entry screen is something of a legend, sporting one of the most historically important codes related to gaming, though always overshadowed by the Konami code. Any true Metroid will tell tales of Justin Bailey, a password when entered into the top row of the entry followed by a row of dashes underneath, will allow players to start the game with gaming's matriarch Samus in a leotard (rather than her iconic orange Power Suit), with almost all of the power-ups in the game, and drops her off in Norfair, an area in the game further away than the natural starting point.

I remember messing around with the password input when I was younger, trying to find new codes to give me neat things, but eventually I'd just input gibberish or my name. For some reason, I never thought to put curse words, which one would assume a young child who thinks he's funny would do. Playing Metroid on a Nintendo 3DS, having obtained the game through the 3DS Ambassador program, YouTube user grandmaster101587458 found that inputting naughty words crashes the game and the 3DS. The crash is reportedly temporary, but at a glance does look like the 3DS has bricked. The crash is alleged to be carried over from the original Metroid's cursing prevention. Head on past the break to watch a video of the crash in action, and yes, there will be some NSFW text.

The Nintendo 3DS is not exactly off to a great start. After launching at an unrealistic price point of $250 only a handful of months ago, the system has already been slashed down to $170. According to a rather poignant post from Nintendo, this was done to increase sales of the hardware which would in turn lead to more software sales and future development. If you can’t get the console in the hands of the consumer fast enough and build a market for games, you’re basically doomed. But the Nintendo 3DS isn’t the only handheld coming to market. The PlayStation Vita from Sony will be trying to force its way into the scene sometime over the next year and it’s not like the PlayStation Portable had an amazing reputation in North America, especially compared to the Nintendo DS. Hopefully, the debacle that was the Nintendo 3DS launch will provide some pointers for Sony’s handheld.

From infographics to hard numbers, the buzz surrounding the heir to Nintendo's wildly successful Nintendo DS, the Nintendo 3DS, is more about how poorly the unit is doing on the market, rather than its library of games (one of the biggest reasons why it is doing so poorly) or the unit itself. French site 01Net is reporting that Nintendo is planning a drastic overhaul of their flailing unit; so drastic, that the two most prominent changes that 01Net is reporting Nintendo is considering making is radically toning down the 3D features of the machine -- the feature after which the device is named -- as well as adding a secondary, detachable circle pad (the 3DS version of an analog stick).

Now, these are rumors, but 01Net actually has a bit of pedigree, as it broke the news of the Wii U and PlayStation Vita's specifications before their official announcements earlier this year.

The above is a screenshot of the U.S. manual for Resident Evil: The Mercenaries 3D on the Nintendo 3DS. The bit at the bottom regarding save files means players cannot delete older save files, and considering the game only has one save slot, it means no one can ever create a completely fresh game, barring some kind of future update which frees up some slots, whether it be officially implemented by Capcom, or unofficially implemented by 3DS hackers. Why in the world would Capcom implement something like this in a game when one can only assume they want to reach the largest possible audience? To curb used game sales, of course!

Japan isn't buying the Nintendo 3DS for all the seasons one might expect: Poor current library of games, a hefty price tag, or because they're satisfied by other handheld systems. Though we have Japan's reasons, what exactly led to them? Couldn't Nintendo have done something about it? After all, they're in control of their own handheld. After the break, check out the full chart explaining how Nintendo killed interest in the Nintendo 3DS. It only took Nintendo one year to do so -- hey, they're still good at something!