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How much sex would make you happy? A lot? Some? Any? According to a study from University of Colorado Boulder (CU), the happiness you derive from your sex life is less about how much sex you're having and more about how much sex your friends are having. If you needed any more incentive to starting hanging out with your unattractive friends more often, here it is!

I'll level with you, folks. I've been kinda hoping the other shoe just wouldn't drop regarding allegations that Elmo puppeteer Kevin Clash had sex with underage boys for years while also bringing to life one of America's most beloved icons of childhood. After a brief lull that almost let us forget that happened, the story has returned in full force, with one of Clash's accusers bringing a lawsuit against Clash making the details of his allegations more clear and forever connecting the phrases "Elmo puppeteer" and "crystal meth sex party" in the American psyche.

With Valentine's Day around the corner, plenty of us are getting our annual harsh reminder that finding love can be really, really hard. We might like to say it's not so, but the fact is, whether you're a guppy or a human, looks count for a lot in the dating game. Like most things, though, looks are all relative -- the worse looking the crowd we find ourselves in, the better looking we seem to be. According to a study published this week in the Proceedings of the Royal Academy of Science B, guppies  looking for love long ago perfected the mating tactic of surrounding themselves with specimens less attractive than they are, a tried and true human trait on display in bars across the world every weekend.

If you're a person who doesn't know any other people and has never been in a relationship before, it may come as some surprise to you that sometimes, people who are no longer in relationships do silly things, like have sex together. It's true! While this fact won't surprise anyone who has lived on the surface of the planet for any of the last 20 years or so, it has now been confirmed by a study in the Journal of Adolescent Research. In related news, watching a season of Girls apparently counts as scientific research these days. Not that I'm disappointed -- by that metric, I'm officially a licensed science-tician! This calls for shots!

Bad news today for less-than-well-hung males. Well, male seed beetles at least. It turns out that contrary to the gentle reassurances of female seed beetles the world over, males with larger genital spines make for more successful and more attractive mates.

Some snakes don't need a man to be a good mom -- they may not even need a man to make a baby, period. A study of copperhead and cottonmouth snakes suggests that males of the species may be less necessary than previously thought. Published this week in the journal Biological Letters, the study marks the first time virgin births have been seen in animals in the wild that normally breed sexually. Virgin births, in which the female supplies all of the genetic material for a child, have been seen in snakes in captivity before, so it's not surprising that it happens in the wild. What is surprising is the rate at which they occurred -- 1 in 22 births for copperheads, and 1 in 37 for cottonmouths. Those rates suggest that parthenogenesis -- the technical term for giving birth without having sex -- may be much more common in nature than predicted.

The good folks behind AsapSCIENCE are at it again. This time they're tackling what is potentially a far stickier subject: The science behind orgasms. The video explanation may not be, er, sexy, but it certainly explains a great deal about what goes on during sexual encounters. As '90s television liked to say, knowing is half the battle. Watch the video and read on to understand orgasms in greater detail, but remember that it's No Fap September.

Animal sex gets a fair share of coverage in the media, for a couple of pretty simple reasons. Most people like animals, and most people are interested in sex. And sometime, animal sex is really impressive, as in the case of these awesome, hypnotic leopard slugs. However, a pair of researchers has authored a paper in Nature taking the media to task  for their coverage of animal sexuality and offering scientists tips on making their research papers less titillating. The main thrust of the article? That science journalists need to stop ascribing human sexual traits to to sex behaviors in animals.

If you feel like two simple cartoon beards having sex couldn't possibly be graphic, you should pop in some headphones, click play on the above video, and never be the same.

A new study that may shed light on depression and addiction in humans has found that male fruit flies which seek sex and are rejected by female fruit flies binge drink alcohol. The study, led by Galit Shohat-Ophir, focuses on a chemical found in the brain of flies called neuropeptide F which seems to link social experiences with psychological states. Flies, it seems, are just like people, and sometimes just need a cold one at the end of a hard day.

Careful readers will recall a couple that made waves for, ah, "doing the deed" while skydiving. If, like them, you're interested in joining the so-called Mile High Club but aren't interested in freefalls, then Cincinnati's Flamingo Air is probably more up your alley. For $425, couples can choose their flightplan, are given some romantic treats, and get an anything-goes hour of privacy in the back of a single-engine airplane. Be still, my heart.

If you're anything like me, you've probably sat at home wondering, aloud, "How, exactly, do swimming crabs -- Portunus pelagicus -- get it on?" Well, thankfully someone took it upon themselves to record a happy crab couple, and now we know for sure. Two surprises: It involves a lot of carrying and a lot of burying. Also, since these handsome critters are also known as the "blue manna crab," one wonders if they're the source of all mana potions everywhere. Video below the jump.

In addition to sporting a massive collection of dinosaur remains and replicas, the Jurassic Museum of Asturias on the northern coast of Spain also has a display that features two copulating Tyrannosaurus rex. How about that? Of course, the orientation of the two dinosaurs on display is a complete guess. Even after decades of study, paleontologists are still divided on how to determine the gender of T-rex remains. We can all agree on thing, though: Those tiny arms look even sillier in this context. Now excuse me while I book a flight to Spain right after I swing by the Icelandic Phallological Museum.

We've posted some pretty strange moments from the natural world here on Geekosystem. While surprisingly fast hunter snails and giant mating spiders (sorry about that) are all well and good, they have nothing on mating leopard slugs. This video begins with a coy dance, turns a bit kinky when the pair suspends themselves upside down from a tree branch, and goes totally otherwordly once they get down to business. Oh, and it's narrated by Sir David Attenborough, which is pretty much the nature film version of Berry White. Now admittedly, this is not the freshest video on the web, but given how truly amazing it is to watch, it's required viewing for the day. (via io9)

In the 12th century, someone somewhere in Scandinavia carved the Lewis Chessmen, a collection of nearly 100 chess pieces of a particularly unique and expressive style. It wasn't the first ornate chess set, but it's certainly a strange and unique set with its shield-biting berzerkers and worried looking royalty. Since the Lewis chess set, the Western world has continued to make stranger and stranger chess sets. Perhaps this speaks to the power of the game, and it's captivating metaphorical nature. More likely it speaks to the human desire to spend stupendous amounts of money. Regardless, chess set making has come to the point where it's no longer about the game but about whatever weird twist you can put on it. And trust us, they've come a long way from simple walrus ivory carvings. So whether your covet these gameboards, or laugh at those that do, please enjoy this humble collection of the least humble chess sets the Internet has to offer.