The Titanic has loomed large in the public imagination since her sinking in 1912, bolstered by her rediscovery in 1985, and a certain late-90s film. However, the boat will not be large for much longer, as it is being consumed by metal-munching bacteria. The stalactite-like structures that the bacteria leave behind, called “rusticles,” have been observed since the wreck’s first exploration in 1986.

However, these bacteria aren’t working alone. Instead, they have formed a massive colony that functions like a single organism. From The Daily Galaxy:

These live mats and rusticles form a communicating super-organism funneling iron-rich fluids, sulfur, and electrical charges through the collective of archea, fungi, and bacteria that thrives in the icy dark, low oxygen waters. Using DNA technology, researchers discovered that the rusticles were formed by a combination of 27 different strains of bacteria.

The methodology behind the organism’s communication ability is still not fully understood, but scientists think that it is through a process called “quorum sensing.” This allows the disperate individuals to “sense” each other and operate more effectively. It’s been observed in bacteria before, and is thought to be behind some of the behaviors of social insects like bees and ants.

This super-organism’s effect on the wreck has been striking. Observations of the ships degradation have found that the twisted, fragmented aft section is deteriorating much faster than the relatively intact bow section. The rear of the ship is thought to be 40 years ahead of the bow in terms of deterioration. In 2010 Dr. Henrietta Mann, one of the scientists that identified the metal-consuming bacteria on the ship, said, “In 1995, I was predicting that Titanic had another 30 years . . . But I think it’s deteriorating much faster than that now. Eventually there will be nothing left but a rust stain.”

(The Daily Galaxy via BoingBoing, image via Titanic Universe)

You can try to be too cool for Valentine’s Day all you like, but it’s going to happen anyway, and you can’t avoid it. You don’t have to like it, because it’s nearly impossible to like a 99% commercial holiday. But don’t try to escape it, because there is no escape. It is a zombie out to get you, and it’s here. (You were probably one of those “Was there some kind of game happening today?” people on Super Bowl Sunday. Guess what? Everyone knew that you knew there was a game that day.)

But in case there is still a tiny, microscopic neutron inside of you that feels an urge to do something, even something weird, snarky, or slightly mean, then here are some (mostly) printable Valentine’s Day cards just for you, lovingly scraped from a few corners of the Web.

First, zombies. Zombies are the thing this year, and after being beaten over the head with Valentine’s Day advertising since Christmas ended, it’s safe to say that zombies make a perfect V-Day mascot. This one was found on Geeks Are Sexy and can be printed out at zombieyeti.com.

Or maybe these from designer Elliott Quince:

Here is a variety of Dr. Who-themed cards by Rachelle Abellar, which can be purchased for $2.50 each ($15 for the whole set).  Perfect for any or all of your companions.

But if you’re driven more by the brain than the heart, maybe you can relate to these science-love cards, which can be found on Etsy. (Although they ship from the UK, so it’s not possible they’ll be yours on time. But you can always claim that you were too busy thinking. Or reading. Smartypants. (Sexybrains.)

Super Punch has a cornucopia of excellent, dark-hearted Valentines:

Do you share the opinion that love is an avoidable disaster?

How about an unavoidable disaster?

(Those can be found here.)

Feeling more than just appreciation for a coworker?

Purchase the card, designed by Emma Harckham, at Red Bubble.

For literal types who don’t beat around the bush and wouldn’t appreciate that metaphor:

Or this one, also available through Etsy:

This selection from Awkward Valentines pretty much says it all:

For that special someone with whom you spend weekend afternoons watching reruns of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit … and then politely ask to leave.

If you must speak, make sure it’s in never-not-romantic binary (by Christine Marie Larsen):

And if you liked exactly zero of these, here are the ones we liked last year.

(Top pic via Penny Arcade)

(via TDW | Expedition Titanic’s webpage)

These questions and many, many more seem to have only the most painful of answers based on the trailer below. I mean, I don’t usually get outright angry at a movie for looking like it’ll be terrible, but this is just outrageous, with an emphasis on the outrage. You take a movie that’s been done to death, and is getting an undeserved 3D rerelease anyway, and you make a worse version of the exact same movie!

OK, well, there’s an interview you can listen to where director Shane Van Dyke explains his intentions with the sub-million-dollar budget film. And by “explains his intentions,” I mean he makes the movie sound even more terrible than it already looks. At least it’s straight-to-DVD.

Now that I’ve made this sound super appealing and worth watching, here’s the actual trailer:

(Via Bleeding Cool)

There are seriously people who went to see this film more times than its been years since the Titanic crashed. And 15 years later there will be an entire new generation of young DiCaprio enthusiasts to horde into the multiplex. There’s money to be made here for sure, but couldn’t we get a 3-D version of a movie that makes more sense in 3-D? You know, like anything else?

There were rumors that this (travesty) might happen, but they were confirmed at All Things Digital. Here’s a brief telling of said confirmation, courtesy of a Switched article with a distinctly Cameron-is-full-of-himeself tone:

Somewhere between talking about all things James Cameron, Hollywood, and James Cameron, the director was asked about the possibility of a 3-D Titanic re-release. Mincing no words, he responded, “We’re not thinking about doing that, we’re doing it. We’ll have it ready for the ship’s 100th anniversary.”

Regardless of how high James Cameron ranks on James Cameron’s list of priorities, it’s clear that he’s placing Titanic far higher than it deserves. For goodness sake, James, didn’t you milk it for all it was worth the first time? And that theme song better not get more radio play.

It is, after all, the most annoying song your roommate could play on the flute all the time (play the sample for the highlighted track).

(Via CNET via GNews via Switched)