In case you haven’t heard, the only news in the world today is that LeBron James decided that he is going to play basketball for the Miami Heat instead of the New York Knicks or the Cleveland Cavaliers. This has made some people in Cleveland very sad, including the team’s owner, Dan Gilbert.

Dan Gilbert was so upset, in fact, that he wrote a very angry open letter to Cleveland fans, laden with surprising capitalizations and lines like “The self-declared former “King” will be taking the “curse” with him down south. And until he does “right” by Cleveland and Ohio, James (and the town where he plays) will unfortunately own this dreaded spell and bad karma,” and “‘I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS WILL WIN AN NBA CHAMPIONSHIP BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED FORMER ‘KING’ WINS ONE’ You can take it to the bank.”

We will leave it to our sporting brethren at SportsGrid to parse the meaning and sporty implications of all of this to the world of people who care about sports. For our part, the most important thing to note about Dan Gilbert’s letter is that it was written in Comic Sans. Comic Sans.

Nowhere have the sparkly claws of Twilight failed to secure their grasp, for this week Forbes published their yearly Fictional 15, a compilation of the fifteen richest fictional people in current pop culture. Carlisle Cullen, the nearly 400-year-old patriarch of the Cullen family is the richest fictional person in the world with a net worth of $34.1 billion.

There’s a Spanish comedy show called “Muchachada Nui” that has a recurring sketch featuring parodies of celebrities called, well, “Celebrities.” Recently, the celebrity they chose to lampoon was none other than Alan Moore, the shamanic, thoroughly bearded scribe behind Watchmen, From Hell, and V for Vendetta, among other works.

Now, whereas an American parody of Alan Moore might use the obvious comedic device of making fun of his personal quirks — say, his worship of a snake-deity, or his anarchistic philosophy — the Spanish Alan Moore parody does ‘em one better by spinning into all-out-surrealism: their Moore wears a blue bowler hat which he can move using telekinesis, at one point dons a Guy Fawkes mask, V for Vendetta style, and devours a copy of From Hell, for reasons unknown.

Mostly, we’re just excited to hear Alan Moore referred to as a “celebrity.”

Video after the jump:

Last week, I Watch Stuff reported that James Cameron and Fox Studios are in talks to rerelease Avatar to theaters with some extra footage late this summer.

Now, hold it right there.  I’m going to come back to this.  But first, from the post:

Did Avatar‘s 162-minute running time leave you another to see another [sic] 10 minutes of mundane parable whitewashed with CGI?

I don’t want to specifically call out I Watch Stuff, a site that puts out good stuff; it’s one example of many.  But seriously: It’s been three months. Everyone, stop hating all over Avatar already.

For reasons unknown, yet highly enjoyable, DeviantARTist Zody has reimagined Watchmen‘s climactic Dr.  Manhattan-Rorschach showdown in Antarctica as a conflict between Mike Judge’s lovable, ’90s controversy-prone losers Beavis and Butthead.

Larger image after the jump: (with mild profanity and Watchmen spoiler, if you haven’t read or seen it:

I was all ready to ignore Kick-Ass. To just let it slip past my radar and fade into obscurity like Lions Gate’s Frank Miller’s Will Eisner’s The Spirit. I don’t see the point of willfully subjecting myself to things that I know I will only find repugnant. But then The Independent‘s interview with Mark Millar flipped my nerdrage switch. And then, I watched the trailers, and now… here I am.

Now I know what Kick-Ass is about, other than, you know, violence. Just as I suspected, it is not an original concept, but to my surprise it is an interesting one. The idea of the realistic superhero, with or without powers, has been tackled over and over again. Watchmen, The Authority, Top 10, Batman Begins, Hancock, the X-Men, Spiderman and more have all attempted, in some way, to bring the superhero down to earth.

In a way, this makes me more angry. I’d much rather Millar take a dumb concept and make a bad movie, than watch him take an idea I am honestly intellectually and creatively interested in and make a hash of it.

Anyway, here’s the first bit that got me: Millar says “There’s never been a superhero comic set in the real world.”

When was the last time you heard someone say, perhaps while in line at the comic store counter, “I don’t normally read this title but I had to pick it up this week. ______ ______ is my favorite letterer?”

Not recently, huh? Todd Klein‘s series of alphabet prints have made me wish that it would happen more often. Klein was responsible for the lettering on Watchmen, Batman: The Dark Knight Returns, Swamp Thing, Fables, Top 10, and a good deal of the comics that made me like comics, including Batman: Year One, and Sandman. For Sandman, specifically, Klein created seven distinct styles of lettering for the voices of each of the Endless, from Destiny‘s hard italics to Delirium‘s candy colored balloons.

Klein is currently doing a series of alphabetically themed prints showcasing his talent and the talents of some of the biggest names in comics; letters A through E have been completed.

So, after the overwhelming media hogwash, you’ve still forgotten that tomorrow is Valentine’s Day? Or maybe you really meant to go out and get that nice thing, but it just slipped your mind (as always, the Penny Arcade sentiment is timeless). Have no fear, Geekosystem is here.

Below the cut you will find a sampling of the best geeky Valentine cards on the Internet, just waiting for you to print them.

You’re welcome.