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Uncategorized Monday, August 27th 2012 at 8:30 am

Michael Bay’s TMNT Script Has Leaked, Confirms Worst Fears

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After it was announced that Michael Bay would be in charge of a new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie, and the subsequent “alien” debacle, fans of the franchise were up in arms over what they feared would be a butchering of the source. Well, if the blog TMNT, NOT TANT is to be believed about the authenticity of a script they managed to get their hands on, all those concerns have been validated: The script is particularly awful in depressingly specific ways.

The veracity of the blog’s account is thrown into question because, after all, it’s obviously biased against Bay’s version of the franchise. However, they did link to a full version of the script — and, supposedly, Paramount sent out a cease and desist to have it removed. As such, the full script is no longer available for the viewing public, but the Internet never forgets. It’ll turn up sooner or later.

In the meantime, many folks took to chopping out the most offending bits to share their vitriol with friends. The shenanigans are hard to believe, with a number of people suggesting this is all an elaborate hoax. The script, as presented, is truly a travesty, however. Don’t believe me? Try these reproduced nuggets out and see how you feel:

Even Peter Laird, co-creator of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, commented on the script:

Someone else alerted me to the existence of this script, and I just a few minutes ago finished reading it. If it is, in fact, the actual draft that was rejected and caused the production of the next TMNT movie to be pushed back to 2014 because the script was unsatisfactory, then I think all true TMNT fans should be grateful to the new “powers that be” that they did not allow this wretched thing to go any further. It could definitely be taken as a good sign if that is the case.

It reminds me of one of the reasons I am glad to not own the property anymore… because I don’t have to tear what little hair I have left out while trying to fix junk like this. — PL

Hopefully, if the script really is what they were working off of for the movie, it will go on no longer. For the sake of the children.

(TMNT, NOT TANT via Uproxx, image credit via AndarsKI)

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  • Anonymous

     That wasn’t THAT bad. That tone of dialogue was easily comparable to the first film which everyone considered to be the good one. What the heck do people expect anyway? It was the same idea with Transformers, there is only so much you can do with the source when transforming it into a live action film. People are never happy.

  • Sidneyious

     It still does not help the fact that hes a shitty director and producer.

  • Dr Coene

    There needs to be a worldwide movement to boycott this film. They’ll keep making crappy movies if you keep going to see them. Help stop it now. Be part of the solution. Convince everyone you know to refuse to pay for this film.

  • Dr Coene

    Did you read the same script I read? This is one of the most soul crushingly bad scripts that has ever been shat into existence. If you don’t instantly grasp the gulf of difference between the banter of the 1990s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and this sloppy razor blade ass rape of a classic franchise, then I am not likely to be able to illustrate it for you in a way that you would ever accept. Not a single thing in existence better illustrates all that is wrong with the film industry than this script. This script is the reason God doesn’t heal amputees.

  • Dr Coene

    Actually, he’s a great director.

    He just chooses to direct pablum, because he doesn’t care.

  • Murakumo

     THAT was bad… Raphael’s attitude is about the best thing in that mess, but the line “we serve it for dinner.” is a total WTF?! for TMNT enthusiasts. Even in the original movie, he’ld never say something so corny. Then the masks being handed out by Casey as identifying tags? That was a tribute from their master Splinter as a symbol of completing their training, and they got to each choose any color they wanted in order of skill. Lastly, they make Casey out to be an over-stressed and mentally deficient high-schooler with that attitude. He was a complete “It is what it is” realist and total badass in the series and movies. Couldn’t pay me to watch this nonsense.

  • ShinDanMoron!

     You’re absolutely right… The Transformers were great films and didn’t suffer at all from trite and contrived  plot objects. It isn’t as if the dialog and structure of the movies fell apart or racially offensive “ghetto-bots” were used at all. The truth is, one can still add a bit of likability to characters as well as decent dialog and NOT butchering what little source cannon there is when making a movie mainly about explosions.

  • Richard Likker

     Nooo… He’s a pretty shitty director. His only successful movies are those that rely almost completely on visual effects. Otherwise some of the excellent casts that have been in his films wouldn’t have given flat and sub-par performances under his direction.

  • http://twitter.com/Typhooncallum14 Callum Cullinane

    POW, RIGHT IN THE CHILDHOOD.

  • Anonymous

     You mentioned one bad thing out of 3 movies. The bad thing you mentioned was taken out for the 3rd film. The 2nd one in general though was bad. If you have any valid criticism though instead of coming out as a jerk I’d be glad to listen.

  • Anonymous

     What defines what the turtles are anyway? The cartoon, live action films and comics are 3 different animals. Depending on who you ask you’ll get a different answer.

  • Anonymous

     I didn’t read the whole thing just these snippets. These lines would easily fit in any of the live action films IMO.

  • http://www.facebook.com/lindsey.stock.7 Lindsey Stock

     I actually recently watched the original movie. It’s cheesy, but the dialogue still isn’t as horrifically bad as the few snippets I read suggest. And I’m not just saying that out of nostalgia, because I’d never seen the movie before (Although, to be fair, it still isn’t as bad as Trolls 2). I did love the cartoon when I was little though, so I really hope that this won’t be yet another instance of something I loved in my childhood being fucked over by Hollywood.

  • Derp

    glad that horror is over, let’s hope the real one lives up to expectations, but it’s gonna be shit anyway.

  • Anonymous

    Maybe if i read the full script, I could see something to be offended by. These snippets are divorced from any context and are in general meaningless. 

    As it stands, they feel generic and boring. They are groaners, not awful. 

    If you can divorce yourself from nostalgia, maybe you can see a mediocre move based on the script and nothing else. Otherwise, try to remember there’s been half a dozen variants of the turtles over the last 25 years. 

  • Conway299

    You talk as if directing and using visual effects is a problem. VFX is a difficult tool set to use, and he uses it wonderfully. The man is incredibly talented.

  • Mouck

    Brb, an hero

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Michael-Schmidt/100000349635671 Michael Schmidt

    nope, your a idiot to think he has any talent

  • Jingorot

    Bay, is that you?

  • http://www.facebook.com/paul.j.mason Paul J Mason

    Nothing strikingly separated like this.

    And it’s not just that they’re different; the story and script in and of itself is terrible.

  • http://www.facebook.com/paul.j.mason Paul J Mason

    However, the core constructs remain the same.

  • http://twitter.com/Edwin_Jackson Eivind Jakobsen

    Gaaasp, i did not know that MB is actually ‘writing’ and ‘directing’ this movie.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Morgan-Elam/787688420 Morgan Elam

    Granted the ‘dinner’ line was a little wtf. The rest is fine. The turtles aren’t oscar winning performers. The entire franchise only exists because its so ridiculous. They are mutants of some of the world’s most docile creatures trained by a rat to do ninja shit against other mutants and aliens in New York. This franchise is about having a good time. As long as you stay within the story boundaries, which this does, the franchise is has been pretty willing to be flexible. Every single ‘omg you’re turtles’ scene in the movies and cartoons and comic books was crap. It’s just awkward, we know so much more than the character encountering them, but the character must acknowledge that it is weird but we don’t care and yeah, it always ends up as crap. The original turtles all wore red, the whole color scheme was added later and was not part of some master mythos plan, just when they realized that people were actually buying this stuff and they needed them to be able to speak with out always holding their weapon for identity.

  • http://www.facebook.com/jeremy.clopton.9 Jeremy Clopton

    Well let’s see if you can do any better.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=540432124 James Psilocybin Chevrier

    @Michael Bay: PLEASE KILL YOURSELF SO YOU DON’T DESTROY TMNT LIKE YOU DID WITH TRANSFORMERS!!

  • Mish

    I could find a couple ways it could be offending.

    Kung-fu vs Ninjitsu? Implying Japanese martial arts is somehow better than an older Chinese martial arts.

    “You saying we all look alike?” can be applied as a racial stereotype and needing to be color coded. Although funny, can still pass off as offensive.

  • Mike

    How about they all wear red masks, the way it should be, and just call it a day? Their weapons kinda tell them apart anyway.

  • justin

    so now casey gave the turtles there masks, is anyone else thinks this is stupid, they start out with black bandana’s, how about red insted, michael bay, stop fucking up Francises

  • http://twitter.com/scottyfromga Scott

    watch Bay F this one up like he did Transformers.

  • Saturn130

    You know, I sit here and read the comments and I think most of you are just idiotic people. To think Michael Bay did bad with transformers is dumb enough as it is. To put things in a clear view, these movies are aimed at the younger generation, not the 80′s 90′s kids we once were. Although I admit that I dont like the idea of them being aliens of all things. But people cause a fuss over the stupidest of things. A marvel fan who reads all the comics will never like the movies because “it didnt happen that way” scenario. So instead of accepting the new approach that was approved by Stan Lee himself, they decide that they are going to hate the movie and talk crap like a child themselves. Instead of griping and acting like a child, if you dont like it, then dont watch it. I myself will watch it just to see how it turns out. I may not like it, but there is a chance I still might. Quit staying in the past because those things will never be the same if they are made into a movie. The stories never align and they throw in new characters that never existed to begin with. Its called grow up, accept the fact that you are not the one writing or acting this movie out or have anything to do with it to begin with, and learn to change with time. If you keep yourself closed off to the ideas then you are just another bad fan lost in time. Just because it doesnt move the way you want it to, doesnt mean its gonna be bad. Just this amount of dialog that I have seen doesnt tell me much at all about the movie as a whole. Even Peter Laird said that this might be the scrapped script that got loose. So all of you may even be getting fussy about nothing. Geez I swear all these people on the internet have become a bunch of whiny little babies over a movie. If you like the old and dont want to change, then shut up and dont worry about it. Its not like they are asking you to go along with it and accept it. Say what you want about Michael Bay too, all of your opinions are only just that..YOUR opinions. If you havent noticed the remakes he has done like Amityville, Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elm St, Texas Chainsaw Mass. and others like Bad Boys 1 and 2, The rock, Armageddon, Pearl Harbor, and even Transformers have all been hit movies in the box office. If you didnt like any of those movies even though they were hits, probably just shows your taste is either different or just plain horrible. I personally think he does great work and I dont think it is luck that movies that I liked happen to be big hits. But again thats my opinion and its backed up by box office ratings. So who knows, this new Ninja Turtles movie may prove to be something I will enjoy too. Watching it is the only I will be able to tell. Until then, if you arent willing to accept change, then shut up and dont watch it. If you are willing to sit through a childrens movie like that again, then expect cheesy lines the turtles have always been known for. We just didnt think they were cheesy because we were kids ourselves and thought it was cool to say kowabunga or radical or tubular. “Hey look! Its Raph!” “Yeah! A little too Raph!” lol

  • Rune

    Jeremy… are you honestly defending Michael Bay??
    Are you retarded????

  • Kevin W. Clark

    You are right visual effects are not always easy however that is also not the only aspect of directing. Very little directors out there today have as much skill as they should. Leadership is one key, another is content, direction and easter eggs, transitions. If you want to see a director making one of the greatest transitions look at Dick Tracy. The opening scene is a work of master piece concerning transitions in movies. Or look to Untouchables for one of the greatest character scenes. If you were wondering the scene at the train station. The character is placed in a situation for taking down the big criminal for the greater good or a simple and humble gesture good deed that strikes at the core principles of a good and justice character.

  • Brad Prater

    Would you say the same thing if they were to redo the Godfather trilogy? With a change in cast and a few “minor tweaks” to the story? It’s not about letting Michael Bay try to revamp the movie, it’s about how some of us grew up with the turtles. I for one consider the three original films as a classic trilogy. They were kind of cheesy, but that doesn’t give anyone the right to change them. If he wants a movie he can aim at a younger audience, why doesn’t he try his hand at coming up something original? Or perhaps committing suicide before he finishes this? Either would be acceptable.

  • http://www.facebook.com/chucknorriskicksbutts Brenden Sutton

    I was not alive when the original turtles or transformers was on tv but i have seen both and like the shows alot but the movieswith micheal bay directing or producing after transformers is doomed transformers 2 got nominated for 7 razzies he directed the rock and bad boysand moree but after transformers his carrer went down the crapper

  • http://www.facebook.com/chucknorriskicksbutts Brenden Sutton

    most people have nostalgia for the original cartoon

  • smokymclovin08

    bay had made some of the best movies of all time you cry that he makes so a shitty movie, I mean what do you want from him, the graphics on transforms is mind blowing. show those graphics to me back in 1990 and my head might explode. Hell when I was watching turtles the graphics were shitty compared to now. I think half of you just want something to bitch about. You are the same people who walk around and bitch about movies then go see his movies. If you want him to go away and not make another film then don’t see his movies. he is setting back couting his net worth of 4.6 billion but he’s soo shitty get a life