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Entertainment Wednesday, February 12th 2014 at 2:53 pm

Top 10 Moments So Far From BBC Olympic Snowboarding Commentary

In which we learn how: alligators give birth, global warming works, and not to structure an analogy.

Snowboarding commentators Ed Leigh and Tim Warwood  have all the unbridled joy necessary to outshine any Sochi fiasco. The BBC has already received over 300 complaints for the unorthodox reporting of these “hysterical idiots,” but we give their absurd allusions, mixed metaphors, and British jargon a “10.” Here are our favorite inane comments so far:

1. British bronze-medalist Jenny Jones has “a face that could help bread rise.”

2. Riding your snow board back to front “is like writing left-handed while wearing a chip hat and being attacked by seagulls.”

3. 4’9, 15 year old Japanese snowboarding prodigy Ayumu Hirano is in fact “a cat. A cat dressed in human skin.”

3. Waiting to receive results is like having “slugs in your knickers.”

4. Using your back arm to grab your board between your legs is somewhere between “roast beefing” and “spaghetti junction.”

5. An impressive landing is like a “rare animal” or  “an alligator giving birth, it’s very rare.”

6. Precocious snowboarding is just “a scad of pickled onions.”

7. To half-pipe competitors: “Go home! Change your e-mail signature!”

8. Hirano has a “stare that could “curdle ice cream”  while also “prevent[ing] global warming.”

9. Chinese snowboarders “not only upset the apple cart, they knocked it over and gave it a good kick” when things were “just coming to a boil in the half-pipe kitchen.”

10. “JURASSIC PARK!!!”

We don’t know if Leigh and Warwood’s commentary is sometimes baffling because of  cultural differences, or just because they were moved to the point of absurdity by the spirit of the Games. We hope it’s the latter.

Deadspin has a great compilation from yesterday’s event that really shows off the pair’s bizzarro genius and infectious enthusiasm.  Watch it and forget all about pink eye, toilet debacles, and blatant homophobia.

(Via Deadspin, image via Matt Loughlin on Twitter)

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