Tortoise Eats The Heck Outta This Salad, Mercifully Time Lapsed [Video]

by Max Eddy | 4:00 pm, February 4th, 2012

Proving that you can make anything interesting by time lapsing it and slapping some cliche dramatic music on top, Matthew Hoyos’ video of a tortoise eating fruits and veggies is a real treat. At this speed, that tortoise is a terrifying eating machine with a vegetarian diet. As fun as the video is, I ache to know how long it took the tortoise to get through his meal in regular time.

(via BuzzFeed)

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The Unintentional Hilarity of Twitter Spam Bots

Back Alley Internet is a recurring column in which we explore some of the weirder corners of the Internet and see what we can drudge up for your amusement and education. This week: We study the legions of Twitter bots that trawl the trending topics and spit out some unintentionally hilarious tweets.

Tweetosystem

Eric Limer You have to tew two tutus?! I have to tew two tutus too!
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Max The Pizza and Pasta Foundation supports the federal SAUCE act. Ask your congressman to put some SAUCE on it!
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Eric Limer I like how if you make a mistake typing a popular URL, invariably the site you find is all "YOU'RE WINNER!" It's uplifting for a second.
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Max Spam for work involves a false teeth supplier and someone looking to buy magnetic plates.
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Eric Limer So that improv show was definitely a good idea. Ben Schwartz, Zach Woods, Justin Long, AND Adam Scott. #EverythingWentBetterThanExpected
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Max Got a lot crossed off my to-do list tonight, and I'm starting to feel significantly less freaked about about, well, life.
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Eric Limer I need trephination like I need a hole in the head.
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Max AIM CHAT: I like you, too. *belushis*
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Eric Limer Listening to Call Me Maybe and cropping screengrabs of Twitter bots. It's times like this that I really love my job.
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James Plafke Popular rapper Ladies Love Removed Eyes.
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Eric Limer I am genuinely enjoying using So.cl to make weird picture mash-ups. I just made a collage of becks. http://t.co/ulGbDbwn
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Eric Limer This Facebook IPO coverage needs to stop cuz I'm seriously sick of seeing Zuckerberg staring creepily at me from the top of every story.
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Max Put on your poodle skirts and choose your favorite syrup because we're gonna have a sock-hop at the iHop.
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James Plafke I just threatened my mom to email me something by telling her I'd discuss with her all the lady celebrities I'd have sex with.
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Max New Hallmark Card: "I held an extended conversation with you without being able to remember your name" Inside: "I'm sorry."
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Eric Limer To any of you bros who might like to ice me, I encourage you to act on that urge, bro.
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Eric Limer If anyone is looking for some totally garbled, nigh-incomprehensible ad copy, I'm your man.
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Eric Limer What? None of my Facebook friends are on So.cl? How can this be?!
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Eric Limer "Does this mustache look creepy? Experts are blind; can't tell."
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Rollin Bishop Lin Beifong is suddenly one of the best things about Legend of Korra.
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